DINNER TIME

You know how it is. You start out trying to order a takeaway; you end up getting a divorce. Nothing undermines a relationship faster than someone who would have preferred pizza. For every guy wolfing down a chicken biryani, there is a partner next to him eating an unwanted lamb balti, thinking, ‘This isn’t the only thing unwanted in this room, we need to talk’.

Not anymore. Food-delivery services such as Deliveroo mean you can order your takeaway from separate restaurants. Your relationship is safe, thanks to an overworked guy on a Honda 50. (That’s as long as you don’t mind the way your partner sucks down his ramen noodles. Which, let’s face it, you do.)

There are a couple of things to look out for here. The delivery charge starts from €2.50. You don’t want to think about how much of that goes to Honda 50 Man. It would be such a shame to spoil your appetite. It’s hard enough to eat a snack box that spent the last 45 minutes being driven around in the snow.

You’ll need to get the tipping right. It’s not that long since tipping in Ireland was seen as a sign of weakness, or, indeed, madness. Now, it’s a way of flashing your wealth. Unfortunately, sites like Deliveroo allow you to add the tip to your bill while ordering the food online. So the delivery guy mightn’t be aware he got a tip. This is a problem in Ireland, where we suffer from an acute condition known as Morto. So make sure to shout, “You got the tip, right — €2.50, I paid it online. Quite generous, I think you’ll find”, as he heads back to the Honda. That way, the neighbours can know that you’re sound as well.