ON-DEMAND DELIVERY

Staying at home isn’t just a nervous reaction to the world because you’re an over-parented 24-year-old. It is also a great way to make a statement to a delivery person — one that reads, “I’m better than you, thanks for the packet of crisps”.

This is possible now, due to the rise of on-demand delivery. It’s already huge in New York, where they will never stop looking for new ways to humiliate people who work in the service industry.

A couple of clicks on the app and you can get anything delivered at any time, as long as you pay the delivery charge. So that might bring the total cost of that packet of crisps to €10, but hey, you’re worth it. (Or your father is worth it and he is paying for your apartment in the docklands.)

On-demand delivery means you no longer have to go without a Yorkie and a sharing bag of Doritos at 10.30pm, just because you’re too tired to go to the shop. It also means you will have to be lifted out of bed by crane in 20 years’ time, what with having 14 chins. But it still beats going to bed hungry.

There doesn’t seem to be a specialist company doing on-demand in Ireland, but it can’t be long before one turns up. (Unless they deliver it to the wrong address.) Who knows, you might even start up your own ondemand service, and make a fortune.

OK, this means a trip off the couch to find some geeks who’ll work for nothing in return for shares. But after three months you can sell up, move to San Fran and live among ruthless nerds who are short on people skills. They call it ‘living the dream’.