3D PRINTING

That thing you use to print photos and directions from Google maps because you are afraid of data-roaming charges? You are so 2004.

It’s all about 3D printers these days. And please don’t say that your printer is already three-dimensional. That’s just the kind of joke Uncle Eddie makes, and no one takes him seriously anymore.

Here is what 3D printers can do. They can print out a set of replacement dentures, anywhere around the world. They are widely used to create spare parts for trucks and appliances. And a Japanese artist recently published the data required to print off a copy of her vagina.

We’re not suggesting that a spare Japanese front-bottom is going to change your life. (Although you can never be sure with these things.) But it’s only a matter of time before we all have a 3D printer in the house, churning out knick-knacks at the click of a button. That means no more buying lightbulbs, keys or anything that can be scanned digitally and recreated somewhere else with the appropriate materials.

The applications are endless. For example, there are some moments that cry out for a sex toy. So 3D printing is a stay-at-home alternative to mooching around Ann Summers, pretending that you’re looking for a nice supportive bra.

There is even a Dutch designer developing a printer to churn out clothes in your own home. Imagine, you could sit down at 5pm on a Saturday evening and browse through designs for a little black number to wear later on. OK, so you’re not going anywhere later on, what with having no real friends. But there is nothing to stop you printing off a few ‘buddies’ so you can sit around drinking mojitos with them. Yes, it’s a bit desperate, but so is tag rugby, and people go mad for that.