I want away from this life and world

QI email you in the deepest hope that maybe you can offer me some words of advice or help. I feel my life is so empty and worthless and lately I have really been struggling to get through each day. I get up and know that it’s the same old boring day and know it has nothing to offer. I know I should be very grateful for what I have — I have a job, home and wonderful husband but life just feels so empty. We tried for many years for children and have done everything possible, including many IVF treatments, but it was never successful for us and I feel that has left a massive void in our lives. I feel such a failure, I’ve just turned 40 and none of the things I wanted to achieve in life have been done. I get up each morning and go to work, the days I am not working I just sit there eating rubbish and feeling very sorry for myself and wondering how I can get away from this life and world. I don’t have many friends so there is no one I can reach out to and family don’t really seem to care. They have their own lives and the few times I did try to look for advice I was basically told to cop on. I have built a little prison in my home and just want to sit there. I hate going out or social events because I hate me. I know you are going to say counselling or talk to someone but there is no point; there is no one to talk to. My husband is great and goes out socialising with his friends and away for weekends, but I don’t think he actually knows how miserable I am. I put on a front every day and I can’t do it anymore. I did have a good friend in work and she recently had a baby and I hardly every hear from her any more, even though I have texted and rung her several times. I always seem to lose friends which points even more to the fact that I really am worthless. I don’t want to be here. I hate this life and I’m struggling more and more. What do I do?

AI can fully understand why you are feeling so down. While you were going through the various IVF treatments you had hope of starting a family, but now you are faced with the fact that you will not have a baby and are going through your own grieving process. It is wrong that you are shouldering this all alone, and please bear in mind that the World Health Organisation says that one in 6 people experience infertility issues. I don’t know what part of the country you are in, but whatever resource you used to have your IVF treatments will almost certainly provide counselling for infertility, so that should be your first place to seek help. I also think that your husband should be made more aware of just how unhappy you are. I’m sure he is going through his own grief but he is handling it differently.

Your friend who has the new baby is probably full of good intentions, but it is amazing how the hours and days fly by when looking after a brand new baby. You are being very hard on yourself in calling yourself worthless, but that is all part of the depression that you currently undergoing. As well as seeking talking therapy I urge you to go to see your GP and explain just how unhappy you are. And there is always somebody to talk to at the end of a telephone line 24 hours a day at the Samaritans Freephone 116123.

When you begin to feel better, and I know you will when you start being proactive in seeking help, you should consider doing a hobby or pursuit that you enjoyed in the past. This will help you feel less alone and give you a sense of purpose in your recreational time. You might also consider volunteering for a cause that appeals to you. Charities always welcome help. Even a couple of hours a week in, for instance, a charity shop would make a great difference in your life and would be helping others at the same time.