Words of wisdom that I’ll be ignoring

ELEANOR GOGGIN

Inever fail to be fascinated by these words of wisdom that come up on various websites. Words of wisdom about how to change your life around in ‘five quick and practical steps’ and stuff like that. I just wonder who has the time and energy to create them. And how stable are they.

Because of my penchant for hoarding, I took a bit more interest than normal in a recent extensive plan, thought up by some eejit, on how to declutter your home.

It’s a room-by-room guide that basically involves throwing everything out and embracing a sterile environment. Starting with the kitchen. Cooking utensils you have two of must go. Well that’s me done for. I have about five of everything from the middle aisle in Aldi or Lidl. You’d never know when one of them might break. Old spices are another item for expulsion. Now because I’m quite lazy, I have a tendency for food of the ready-made variety, so all the pretty looking spice jars and racks are purely for display purposes and it doesn’t actually matter if they’ve been there since the 1970s.

Moving on to the bedroom, they suggest you throw out all of the clothes that you have outgrown. Well that’s pretty much everything. An empty wardrobe apart from shoes and hats. All underwear and swimwear that has lost its stretch must go too. I only like them when they are loose and baggy. It’s imperative that I continue to breath. Are they imparting all this advice just to younger people who still care if there’s a stretch in their underwear? A solitary glove without its partner should go too. What if you throw it out and the other one turns up two days later. And then came the bit about throwing out your prom dress. Now at least I know where this awesome wisdom originated.