Donald Trump is ruining my holidays

KATY HARRINGTON

I’m on a long holiday in Central America and haven’t seen a newspaper in over a week, so I have little to no idea what’s happening in the wider world. Enda Kenny could have come out as a transgender woman and changed her name to Edna, Theresa May might have made illegal highs legal, Kim Kardashian might have been robbed at gunpoint ... oh no wait.

Back in London, the first thing I do when I wake at dawn is turn on the radio to listen to the news. In work, I am online checking news sites and reading headlines constantly. On the way home on the Tube I flick through the discarded Evening Standards and Metros to get the latest on the cricket teams I couldn’t care less about and see what rich people went to parties with free food and drink in London last night. And so I’m quite enjoying this little hiatus from the daily horrors and humdrum of news.

The detox is broken in one of the better hotels I visit, where there is a TV. I flick through 20 channels of bizarre Spanish talk shows and soap operas before landing on a US news channel.

Broadcasters are going mental over a tape of Donald Trump saying the type of thing we all know Donald Trump says — he is recorded on a bus boasting about being a ‘star’ and the superhero power that comes with it — being able to grope women by the genitals without too much bother (most likely because he is very rich and impossible to sue).

I’ve no idea why anyone is surprised that Trump is at best a racist sex pest because he’s been shouting it from the rooftops for months now. Amongst all the bad ideas we’ve heard in the Presidential election so far, someone has come up with a good one — tell Trump he’s president, put him in a big fake White House, get a camera crew together and film the whole thing.