I’m terrified, but I feel I’m too old to come out

QI am a 22-year-old man who is unable to come out about my sexuality.

I spent 12 months in a relationship with the most amazing person ever. He got me through an exceptionally difficult part of my life but, because I was never able to come out and he lived in London while I lived in Dublin, I never asked him to commit.

Eventually the inevitable happened and he met somebody else and we agreed to go our separate ways.

It’s now been almost four months since we spoke and I miss him every day. We had become best friends as much as everything else.

I’m terrified of this happening to me again but I feel as though I’ve become too old to come out. On top of this, I know my parents would have an issue with it too.

I’m just looking for your advice.

IHAVE witnessed men taking years to come out — for instance, waiting for their parents to die — and I have always been struck by how sad that was.

A large part of who they were was kept a secret and nobody, particularly not the men themselves, benefited from this.

So at 22 you are certainly not too old to come out and you should look on your email to me as your first step.

My advice is to come out as soon as possible, but choose the people to whom you first come out very carefully.

You feel your parents would have a problem with it, but bear in mind that all parents want above all for their children to be happy.

They may well wish that you were not gay as they can see possible difficulties ahead for you, but surely they will want you to be true to yourself ?

As you haven’t come out to anybody you have not been able to share your feelings around the break-up of what seems to have been a wonderful relationship.

That must have been very difficult for you, and when you are coming out to your parents, I suggest you speak to them one at a time.

You will be then able to tell them about him and how you have suffered.

This will give them an insight into your world while at the same time allowing them to help you get over your loss.

If for some reason they are unable to accept you as you are, then there are many others who will and will be there to support you.

The Gay Switchboard Helpline is open seven days a week at 01-8721055, and ask@ gayswitchboard provides email support.