I’ve sadly turned into the incredible grump

I’ve developed a sudden and often irrational dislike of people. I have to say, it’s mostly about people on TV. People I know nothing about, mostly on quiz shows or lifestyle programmes. There are numerous instances of smug people trying to get a cheap break while pretending to be house hunting. Freeloaders.

I can spot them a mile away. And I should stop watching the programmes because it turns me into a vile, screaming person. I don’t actually care whether they get a house or not so it’s irrelevant to my life and shouldn’t be adversely affecting my high blood pressure.

They foolishly hold hands while they are walking around the house and make the presenter feel like an awkward gooseberry. And again I shouldn’t care even if, when viewing the bedrooms, they jump into bed and start having wild passionate sex in front of everyone. But bizarrely I do. Because in my later years, I’ve become a curmudgeon.

If on The Chase a contestant takes the lower offer, thereby depriving their team-mates of a prospective larger win, I become apoplectic, shouting obscenities at the screen. “You cowardly gobs **** ” and the like. Then there are people I meet a lot who do my head in. Like the woman who works at the checkout in a supermarket. She snorts. And if there was one thing my mother couldn’t stand it was people snorting. Or spitting. But sometimes this woman’s till is the only one open. I’ve come close to putting my basket down and walking out. And then there’s the woman in the chemist with the freckles and the cross face, who barely lifts her head. I tried originally when I saw she was a difficult article to kill her with kindness and say ‘thank you so much’ very loudly but I think she thought I was mad. So now I just grunt.