BE KIND TO YOU

Here are my top tips for stopping the madness and cultivating some kindness and compassion for yourself. Be careful, though: it works. You might end up liking yourself, having more self-esteem, and loving life!

1 STOP-CATCH-CHANGE

This is a technique I developed a few years ago and it works very well.

The essence of this practice is to swap a negative thought for a nicer one. Becoming aware is the key, so each time you have a negative thought about yourself: stop it, catch it, and change it for a new one.

I have great fun with this. I use my hands as actions to drive the message home deeper.

2 WRITE A LIST OF LIKES

This can be a difficult one for a lot of people, but stick with it. Write down three things you like about yourself, and then about your body.

If you are struggling, then write down three things people have complimented you on. So maybe you have been told you have a nice smile, great legs, a fun personality, nice skin and so on.

Read through what you have written in the morning and evening for the next week, and then write new ones and start again.

The power is in the consistency of being kind to yourself and saying nice things.

Try and focus on each body part and breathe into each one as you think of it.

3 LEARN TO STOP PEOPLE-PLEASING AND SAY NO

This can be so hard to do. I am a recovering people-pleaser who relapses from time to time, but when people like you for you, the energy and authenticity of the relationship changes. If you struggle with work colleagues and even family members, just remember that it’s OK not to be liked by everyone and have constant approval. Once you work on your own self-worth, it will lessen the need for validation from others.

Learning to say no and valuing your time is important, too. Some people take advantage of a kind nature. If you feel guilty when you initially say no, that’s OK, and completely normal. It’s misplaced guilt because of a bad habit, and it will pass.

4 PROTECT YOURSELF, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND LIVE WITH INTENTION

Protect yourself and surround yourself with friends, not ‘frenemies’. As you grow, you will outgrow certain friends and that’s OK.

We are so hard on ourselves, so while it is important that you take responsibility for your actions, it is also important to go easy on yourself — and remember, you are only human.

Living with intention means living with purpose and passion. Don’t panic, you don’t have to know exactly what this is — but be healthy, be kind, keep trying, and have fun along the way.

5 MAKE CONNECTIONS We have some of the loneliest people living in the biggest cities in the world. We are social animals and we are wired for interaction; our bodies and minds instinctively know that there is something off in this digital age. Build a strong community for yourself and find your tribe.

Also try and give back in whatever way you can. Helping others means you help yourself and it is an important part of the self-love journey.