Tickety poo

Susan Jane White Eats shoots & leaves

These are no mulchy lentils, my friend. Nah-ah. Beluga lentils are pitch-dark, teensy lentils that hold their splendid girth once they’re cooked. Unlike their cousins. Why beluga? Because they look like caviar. Oh, don’t get carried away — beluga lentils are about as close to caviar as Theresa May is to Heidi Klum.

Now, I’m not trying to trick you into Meatless Mondays. But I swear you won’t notice the lack of meat in this bolognese recipe. Not convinced? I dare you to make this dish. It’s an ass-kicking recipe for your dinnerparty arsenal. There’s always a surprise vegetarian who turns up to scupper your plans and maim your synapses. No more!

Quite apart from tasting surprisingly good, these particular lentils are fibre heavyweights. Fibre is your bitch. She’s always looking out for you, making sure you’re regular and tickety-boo. Without fibre, your personality would expire. Yep. Kiss haemorrhoids bye-bye (that would be a feat in itself, actually. I should drop the visuals).

About 75pc of us will experience haemorrhoids (piles) at some point in our lives, although they most commonly occur between the ages of 45 and 65. Haemorrhoids also seem to like pregnant women. Sheesh.

Upping your intake of fibre to 30g (about 1oz) a day will significantly reduce the pain associated with haemorrhoids. A lack of fibre in the diet is often the cause of haemorrhoids in the first place. Want to know the average daily intake of fibre in Ireland? A measly 10g (less than ½oz). This dish will help you change that. One serving of this lentil bolognese with some mashed potato will deliver your daily RDA of fibre.