Fifty shades of grey, but at least it’s in focus

I’ve lost my glasses. Again. Not that wandering round the house wondering which room you left them in kind of lost, which is perhaps technically more a case of mislaying them, but lost lost. On previous occasions of losing my glasses I knew where I left them, I just couldn’t get them back. The last time for instance was a rental car in Spain. The time before that I dropped them into the sea. I knew where they were, I just couldn’t get them.

This time I know where I last had them and when, but I cannot for the life of me work out what I did with them and where they are since. They’re in my house, not the bottom of the sea or a foreign airport, just some mystery place in my home. I have looked in pockets and down the end of the bed and in that weird disgusting place down the back of the sofa where crumbs, hair bobbins and two cent coins go. In some whole other dysfunction I keep thinking “must Google, ‘where are my glasses?’” It’s been over two weeks now so I think they can officially be classified as MIA.

I know that they will not be found until I go get a new pair but hope springs eternal n’all so I keep putting off the optician trip and wear my shades for seeing instead. Which, if it looks odd in the dimmish light of a December midday, believe me, it looks way odder in the pitch blackish light of a December night. Or in the cinema. Or sitting on the sofa watching TV. Or in Supervalu. Things are a little darker, yes, but they’re in focus so on balance it works and I tend to forget that I am wearing dark glasses instead of normal ones. Until, in excellent focus, I see people look at me funny.

I’d take the shades off only I’m terrified I’ll lose them.