Anger over sister-in-law is making me dread my daughter’s wedding
QMy daughter is getting married in a few weeks. The problem is my sisterin-law. She has always been very domineering ever since she started going out with my brother over 40 years ago.
When she married my brother, my mother and I moved out of the family home and into a small cottage, also on the farm.
Then when my mother died, I was forced to move out of the cottage. I always just accepted it and visited their house regularly over the years but since my brother died last year I have become very bitter towards her and her daughterin-law.
My brother got cancer and was suffering at home very much for three months before he died.
I am very angry at his wife because she didn’t push the medical profession to have him treated earlier even though they had the best private medical cover.
I am also very angry at his daughter-in-law who lived next door to him on the farm and she did nothing to help him.
Any time her own father gets a pain she has him into the doctor in a shot.
My daughter invited my sister-in-law to her wedding.
She isn’t coming but she has told my daughter that her two sons and their wives will be coming in her place even though they were not invited (my daughter hasn’t had contact with these two cousins for over 20 years).
This is supposed to be a happy event for myself, my husband and my family but this woman is ruining it.
I have even been sick this week stressing about her domination again.
I don’t want to end up like my sister-in-law by telling my daughter what to do.
But the thought of my sisterin-law getting one over on me again is dominating my thoughts.
I am also dreading the thought of having to be civil to my brother’s daughter-in-law.
My daughter and her husband-to-be say let them come because they will only be four people out of a few hundred and we will hardly see them.
How do I make my daughter’s wedding day a happy one for myself ?
AYOU certainly have suffered at the hands of your sister-in-law and it must have been difficult for you to say nothing at times. It is only natural for you to feel resentment towards her but you should try to see that this resentment only contributes to your stress.
Nothing is going to bring your brother back, and nothing you can say to her is going to undo whatever wrongs have been done to you.
Your sister-in-law, whatever her reasons, has done you a great service by declining the invitation to the wedding.
I agree with your daughter and fiance that you will scarcely notice the four people as you are having such a big wedding.
You will have your husband and family with you on what should be one of the happiest days of your daughter’s life.
As mother of the bride you will be incredibly busy just greeting people and introducing those who do not know each other, as well as basking in the radiance of the bride.
Everybody loves a bride and your daughter will be no different.
So instead of worrying what you will say and how you will feel when you see your late brother’s family, focus instead on how happy your daughter will be and as a result how happy you will be.
In the meantime you would benefit greatly from writing to your sister-in-law, although you will never post the letter, and tell her exactly how you feel about how she has treated you and your perception of how she treated your brother.
When you have it all written down — and don’t spend more than a half an hour at any given time — then tear up the letter into tiny pieces and destroy it.
You will feel a huge release when you do that.
And then get on with enjoying the wedding!