My girlfriend does not trust me but she wants a baby

QHere’s my dilemma. I’m in a relationship with a girl who is 27 and I am 44. She is mad to have a baby. She got pregnant by accident in the early stage of our relationship and dumped me saying she would go it alone. However, she miscarried and we then got back together with some intervention from a close female friend of mine.

We now live together and we are constantly having the same argument over my female friend who is just a friend and was a support to me through my separation.

Recently my girlfriend in a drunken frenzy took a drunken rant at my friend unknown to me and this caused her great distress. She is suspicious of her because she gave me financial help although my friend was just helping me out. What do I do to make her realise that’s all it is? My girlfriend is also not happy that my friends advise me not to have a baby with her based on our previous history and her needless suspicion. If I say I don’t want a baby she will probably be gone.

Please help me.

AI have a few concerns about this relationship. Your girlfriend is very anxious to have a baby and yet she finished with you as soon as she was pregnant the first time. Was this because you didn’t appear happy, or because she just wanted to get pregnant and didn’t want the father to be around?

The second concern I have is why will she not accept your word that your female friend is just that — a friend? Why is she so unsure of herself if she is living with you and presumably you have told her that you love her? Is there something in her past that makes her so insecure? She was very disrespectful of your friend, and I don’t think alcohol is a sufficient excuse.

You don’t say if you have children from your previous relationship but even if you don’t then I’m sure you have very good reasons why you don’t want to have a child. Children are a huge responsibility even though they can give great joy. My late mother used to say that we worry about our children until we die, and I now know she spoke the truth. There is no way you should be coerced into having a baby. If she leaves again as a result of your decision then so be it. That would be far preferable to bringing an unwanted child into the world. There is a considerable, although not insurmountable, difference in your ages and if you were to meet somebody else nearer to your own age it is very likely that a baby would not be on the agenda.

So stay true to yourself and what you believe is best for you and everything will work out well.