Postmodern couscous

Susan Jane White

Quinoa is the postmodern couscous. Looking at 2016’s prices, one can’t help but wonder whether quinoa was hand-harvested by Robin Wright and blessed by Ali Wong under a full moon.

This Peruvian grain has been on our menus and shopping lists for over a decade, but keeps getting hotter. Instagram is imploding with giddy disciples and hashtags, while vegetarian societies are curating shrines for the stuff. The British have recently started to farm their own acreage of quinoa, having sniffed the profit margins and tsunami of overexcited wholefood whores.

Quinoa is a deadly impressive grain, and wholly inoffensive. It tastes of very little, and prefers to carry whatever flavour you fancy (cumin and caraway, this week).

A packet of quinoa will last 18 months in your cupboard, but the real benefits will last much longer than that. Each seed is host to an artillery of minerals and B vitamins to help service our adrenal glands. These are the call-centres for stress and mood. It’s probably important to service your adrenal glands regularly, and quinoa seems infinitely preferable to Celine Dion’s greatest hits, or stinky bath salts.

Unusual for a grain, quinoa contains around 17pc complete protein, making it white-hot for athletes and wretched foodies like me. It’s what we like to call real fast food. To serve, add a good lick of olive oil and lemon juice. All that’s left is a few twists of the salt and pepper mill. If you police the dregs of your fridge, you might resuscitate some greens to add to the party too. Or an egg, for poaching and crowning the top. Yumdinger!