LIFE LESSONS Changing places: 24 hours in a man’s body

Remember the 1988 Tom Hanks movie Big? In it, a fed up 12-year-old named Josh makes a wish at some crummy old arcade game that he was older. His wish is magically granted and he wakes up the next day as a 30-year-old Tom Hanks (it’s a movie that requires a good deal of suspension of disbelief), moves to New York, gets a job testing toys and makes a woman fall for him before realising grown-up life is crushingly disappointing and hankering (see what I did there) for his old, simple life as a boy again.

Anyway, I’ve been imagining a similar scenario: I go to bed as me, and wake up the next morning in a 30-year-old man’s body. Just give me 24 hours and I’ll take full advantage of my borrowed body. First things first, I’ll take a shower, examine myself thoroughly, and then leave the house. Since my time is limited, I’ll skip shaving and grooming my face or hair. And as it’s summer, I think I’ll go for a stroll topless because I’m a dude and no one is offended by the sight of my useless nipples. What other fun stuff can men do? Well, pee absolutely anywhere they like without judgment or repercussions, so I might, after a few beers, relieve myself at any 90 degree angle I see and then stroll on. I could, of course, use my knowledge of the inner workings of women’s minds to my advantage in chatting up girls, or I could just cast it aside and have a good laugh mansplaining something like the gender pay gap to the nearest available female. If she wasn’t totally put off by my chat, or the fact that I have no shirt on, then I might try to take her home. The most informative part of the body swap would be to have sex as a man, which I’d be brilliant at of course, then roll over and fall asleep, happy in the knowledge that I’d wake up the following morning with a vagina again.