I keep a tidy house but dusting is ridiculous

I’ve always, much to my own amazement, maintained a tidy house. I think I might have a touch of OCD. I notice when things are out of place. I wish OCD stretched to cleanliness because that’s where I fall down. Dusting is ridiculous. The dust builds up in no time at all. I read somewhere the other day that exposure to dust makes you fat. It would appear that dust carries hormone-altering chemicals that cause cells in your body to gather fat. Now there’s the answer to all my problems. And I’ve being paying money every week to fatty class and all I needed to do was dust the house.

I have so much ‘stuff ’ accumulated that dusting regularly would be an onerous task. So I just don’t bother. The dog sheds a lot and there are clusters of dog hair all over the place. Cobwebs abound. The house is permanently set up for Halloween. I quite like cobwebs. They add character. But I was having people to lunch the other day and I cleaned any area that they might be in. The bathroom in my en suite and my own bedroom because they could sneak a peek if they were going to the loo. I even put fresh flowers in the en suite. Nobody went to the loo for quite a while and then they all opted to use the downstairs one despite my exhortations to go upwards where the flowers were without actually mentioning the flowers. And then through a haze of vodka I heard a door opening and closing and I just knew that someone had gone into my son’s bedroom by mistake. Now here’s where you could become corpulent very quickly just by putting your head around the door, if that latest research is true. To be fair, it’s a tiny room and only his temporary abode but it certainly wasn’t for public display. How do I convince my guest that I’m not a slattern of the highest degree?