Screen safety

The standard advice now is to turn off your smartphone, half an hour before going to bed. Obviously, this does not apply if you are married — it’s an awkward 30 minutes, sitting there trying to have your first conversation in three years. You’ll just end up lying in bed, wondering if you have drifted apart. Eventually, one of you will sit up and google “have we drifted apart?”, which leads to eight million articles titled ‘8 Signs you have drifted apart.’ (The standard photo here is of a couple in their underwear, she has her arm on his shoulder, but he’s just not interested. The key thing here is that they are in their underwear.)

None of these articles will recommend you stop surfing the internet every night, because turkeys voting for Christmas and all that. You might however find them suggesting you turn off the TV half an hour before going to bed, as this can also disturb sleeping patterns. Particularly if you stayed up watching Big Brother, after which you lay in bed for hours, trying to figure out why.