Banking bombshell
It was a summer of financial woes that all started for Sophie White with the ill-advised and logistically head-wrecking move to a new bank
Idid the impossible and moved banks. Since the move, people have told me that, statistically speaking, trying to convince a consumer to switch financial institutions is acknowledged in the industry as being one of the most challenging things for marketeers.
Now I can see why. Never move banks, guys, it is a head-melter. Even if your bank is a deeply corrupt institution that mishandled the fiscal fate of the entire country, stick with them (and not just because you’d be hard pressed to find a bank that hasn’t). No matter how much a prospective new bank’s advertising campaign crows about a fuss-free transition, it will still be an utter mess, a faff of such epic proportions that you will regret ever having been born.
An uncomfortable amount of attention is suddenly heaped on your various monetary transactions and it ain’t pretty. All the various direct debits and standing orders are like a Monet, best viewed from a distance as, up close, to quote Clueless, “it’s a big ol’ mess.”
Himself, who has always taken the breathing-down-my-neck approach to my personal finances, was like a rabid dog with a bone. “What’s this €79-a-month payment for?” “The gym.” I whispered. “Oh, of course the essential gym. How’s the gym working out there?” He batted at my upper-arm flesh causing the underhang to swing a bit.
When my old jilted bank began ringing me daily, I ignored the calls. In summer, after I’d neglected to switch my phone-bill debit, the bank, in an act of unexpected soundness, paid my phone bill for me. I had to go down to the “An uncomfortable amount of attention is heaped on your monetary transactions and it ain’t pretty” branch in person to pay them back the cashola, which ranks in my top-20 humiliating life moments. So I presumed this was more of the same.
They rang daily for most of August and September, before finally resorting to email to inform me that — wait for it — they owed me money. I was truly stunned. I happily accepted my bank order but the real win was when I learned of Himself ’s dirty little financial skeletons. The bank informed me of an outstanding direct debit of €20 a month..
I came home that night ready to fight for my right to a rarely used gym membership. When he started up, I stared him down and asked, with all the menace of a wife making an accusation of infidelity: “How’s Rover?” He was clearly shook but recovered quickly. “Rover doesn’t mean anything to me. The Dog Trust caught me one day outside the Tesco Express,” he replied.
“How long has this been going on behind my back?” I shrieked. “A year,” his eyes lowered. “Twenty quid a month on a dog you’ve never even met? I’m keeping the gym.” With a rarely seen gym and a never seen puppy draining our finances, lentils are a tasty way to bulk out meals and this spicy soup is delish.