Are teenage moods so hard to beat?

AINE O’CONNOR

WE are all, to some degree, people pleasers. We want other people to like us. To approve of us and to agree with us. But mostly just to like us. The degree to which I am a people pleaser is, I would imagine, average. It’s high regarding the people I love, non existent regarding people I don’t like and lowish regarding people I don’t know. One of the recompenses of getting older is increased immunity to the opinion of others. Either it doesn’t occur to you to wonder about it or, you actually don’t care. The ah-feck-em principle which I have adopted enthusiastically.

There is however one person who turns me into a fawning sap. An obsequious, pride-less emotional mendicant. And I gave birth to that person. They say car journeys can be excellent regular quality parentchild time. But that is only if the child is in the mood. Not you. The Child. Especially when that child is a teenager. My Girlchild is never rude, never shouty... but her silences can be deafening. The child who can be chatty, wise, curious and funny becomes one who answers inquiries with as few words as possible and a flickery smile that barely troubles her cheeks much less her eyes. She instigates no conversation. If it were anyone else the ah-feck-em principle would kick in before the second roundabout. But with this yoke, even as anger begins to simmer, I become that emotional mendicant, hoping to spark some kind of enthusiasm, engagement. “I’m just quiet,” she says. “OK,” I say. “Love me! Love me!” I think. My pathetic heart crushed when she can find words to speak to her puppy. I should call her on this, be firm. Instead what comes out is, “What would you like for dinner, sweetheart?”