Dear Jill,
IT’S easy to pass 25 years. It flies by in a blur of school and work and the mundane busyness that is the bread and butter of day-to-day life. Of shepherd’s pie every Tuesday night, parties and illnesses, and bit parts as angels in Christmas concerts.
The good times resonate, the bad less so, although undoubtedly they are the times that shape us more.
The first step, the first time a tiny hand clasps yours, the first time you hear that most beautiful of words ‘mummy’.
All those firsts, all those little miracles, all those long days and short years, bring us all too soon to our goodbyes.
Those of us lucky enough to have kept our children, to still have them in our lives, to have with them the relationship we had always wished, but at times never dared hope for, get the privilege to say goodbye as they shed us and grow their new skin.
The dramas of life, at the time so terrible, now become the anecdotes of Christmas Day lunches and the basis of wedding day speeches.
And it’s true to say that the drama that temporarily divided us along the way, is the same drama that binds us so tightly now.
So today we say farewell to you, my firstborn — my best and toughest teacher — as you move away and properly loosen the ties that bind us. You must go and make your own firsts, your own wonderful mistakes and huge triumphs.
You taught us that others’ opinions and thoughts were theirs and theirs only. You with the big, beautiful heart, and the ability and will to change lives. You who will always try to do the right thing when doing the wrong is easier. You who passionately stands up for those who cannot stand up for themselves.
And as you move away into a life that is only beginning to reveal itself, I hope that you learn to be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Learn early, and often, that it’s OK to say no. Remain true to what you really believe in but be open to the truths of others.
Find love and great friendships, and when you do, give them your all, love never grows in a cold climate.
And take pleasure in the minutiae of life for therein lies the really important stuff.
And remember — whatever and whoever comes to pass, the door to our hearts and our home, those of us who loved you first, is only ever the turn of a key away.
MumX Kate Durrant, Blarney, County Cork