Anger management in the ex-files

AMALE slebriddy recently left his long marriage and is now in a relationship with a younger co-star. There are messages of support on his ex-wife’s social media, one of which indicates that she did not deserve such treatment — he is a lesser human, the new girlfriend a less pleasant synonym of “sex worker”, and a suggestion that he be made to pay for leaving. The ex-wife replied only, “What can I do?”

It is a sad but entirely sane, reasonable response. If someone leaves you, what can you do? As anyone who has ever been left, by a boy in third year, a holiday romance, a spouse or co-parent, will know, there is nothing to be done. If someone no longer wants to be with you, you can’t force them to stay.

The angry comment and the rage it represents is common. Rage at the end of a relationship is more acceptable for women than for men.

Men who get angry about being left are considered anything from unmanly to unhinged while women are encouraged to get even. That’s understandable if there are bad circumstances, a cruelty or unkindness. But is it reasonable to get angry because someone just isn’t feeling it any more?

Still loving someone who doesn’t love you is heartbreaking, undermining and terribly sad. A loss on many levels. But what is it if, when a significant other isn’t feeling it any more, the main emotion is anger? Why anger instead of sadness? What’s the motivation — I don’t want it to be over so you can’t? How dare you leave me? I’m happy enough so don’t be rocking my boat? A sad ex laments lost love, an angry one however seems to be lamenting something altogether different.