I don’t like cats and I let them know

Name: Darcey Finest hour: Morning cuddles with Mum on a lazy Saturday morning Likes: Cuddles, kisses and tummy scratches Dislikes: Cats and visiting the vet

HI there. My name is Darcey and I’m a stunning, handsome, charming Bichon Frise. I’m eight years old, my birthday is on May 21, a date I share with my mum.

My mum brought me to my forever home in her car. It was a long journey and I wasn’t too happy about having to sit in a cat carrier.

You see, I don’t like cats — at all. I just don’t see their purpose in life. Their very presence irritates me, and I can never refrain from letting them know. I think they deliberately walk on top of the garden walls to tease me.

When I first moved into my home, there was black cat in residence called Reece. She was a bully and would swipe at me with her claws. Nasty ole thing, she was. After a year or so we tolerated each other, though I refused to play or sleep near her.

I think Mum was glad that there was peace in the house. Reece went to cat heaven four years after I arrived, so now I’m king of the castle. I have full use of the house and garden. I have my own door (dog flap) and steps to get up and down to mum’s bed. I sleep at the end of the bed with my animals (don’t judge me!). My gran gives me animals and other soft toys on a regular basis. I have a good variety now including a cow, sheep, zebra, three dogs, two rings and, regrettably, a cat. I take care of them extremely well and they are still fully intact.

There are other people I also love sharing my life with. Firstly, I adore Maggie. She’s really cool. She has a special holiday home that I stay in occasionally.

Mum packs my weekend case with my travel bedding, a few animals for company, and my food. I eat special food as I have inflammatory bowel disease and since I’ve been eating this I only have to have my annual visit to the horrible vet.

Beth and her two sisters, Erin and Jacqui, live near me and sometimes Mum lets them take me out for walks. I love little people. We all walk beside each other, though I have to have a lead to make sure they know which way to go. Amanda is my personal barber and I visit her every six weeks. I leave feeling and looking fantastic. My Uncle Ian is my hero and is the best uncle in the world. He’s very cool and funny. Averil Larke, Celbridge, Co Kildare

If you would like your pet featured in this column, please send a story of 440 words and a photograph to snews@ independent.ie clearly labelled MY PET