It’s bah humbug as we head for lean times

I’M cured. Not from fags, booze or spending money I don’t have. I wish that was the case. No. I think I’m over going over the top at Christmas. I have always striven to have my decorations up before most people. I was nearly putting them up at Easter. Why I don’t know. Maybe it stems from not being first very often. At anything.

When I lived in my older and bigger house, I had three big Christmas trees. One in each reception room, one in the hall, and two smaller ones in the kitchen and bathroom. Now that’s excessive by anyone’s standards. So I was a tad discombobulated when I moved to a house with much smaller rooms. But through sheer determination I managed to fit them all in and it was ridiculous. When the real tree went up in the sitting room, I basically had to move to my bedroom to watch TV. There just wasn’t room for the two of us. And the tree did my head in. Because I’m a lazy hooverer I would still be discovering pine needles the following November. And again, because of my inherent laziness, I couldn’t be bothered moving everything in the hall when I was taking it out after Christmas and I invariably smashed some valued ornament.

And every year I have sworn to myself that I will not do the stockings for my adult children and every year I relent and do them anyway. Only to see the smirks on their faces as they open up books they don’t want and underpants, socks and T-shirts they won’t wear. This year the smirks will be on the other side of their little faces. They’ll be getting zilch apart from their main present. And I’m buying one box of crackers. I normally go overboard on that front as well. And the same measuring tape, tiny nail clippers and pill box falls out of each one any way. No matter how many different boxes you buy. It’s going to be very lean this year.