Ex-mas does not have to be painful

IN recent years, in certain retail quarters, Christmas has started lurking behind the Halloween decorations. It’s like everything else in the alleged democracy that is the western world, people can say what they want but big money will always get its way. The beginning of December however means You Will Yule, and I have always enjoyed the December run up to Christmas.

However there is something about an officially happy time that can be terribly difficult for people who aren’t feeling it. It must make grief, depression, homelessness, financial difficulties worse than they already are.

Changed family circumstances too can throw the festive season into disarray and sometimes it’s the change to comforting family traditions or rituals that can really upset kids. I don’t believe that divorce damages kids nearly as much as bad parenting does, often it’s not the separation itself that causes problems, those come from parents treating each other badly.

In most cases the kids still love both parents, they worry about them, that someone might be left out or sad, or that they will be seen to be favouring one parent over the other. It can be a real source of upset and stress for the children and one that is really important to factor in. Sometimes when a relationship collapses the adults get lost in their own pain or anger. Kids are not in a position to protect themselves emotionally, so parents have to do that.

Kids are not young forever, for long even, and Christmas is about them. It isn’t about point scoring and it doesn’t have to hurt. Or not too much. Kindness can be a wonderful antidote to pain.

Tis the season of goodwill after all.