Connection started with a concert
Singer Eleanor Shanley and psychotherapist Brendan Harding met relatively late in life, but enjoy living in the now, writes Andrea Smith
BRENDAN Harding was so taken with Eleanor Shanley back in 1998, when he attended a concert she gave in Carrickmore with her long-time musical collaborator, the late Ronnie Drew, that he thought about inviting her on a date. Alas, his nerve failed him as he queued to buy a CD afterwards, so he just bought the album and came away.
The next time he saw her was at a jazz club in Clifden in 2001. She was with her pals, author Martina Goggin, success coach Judymay Murphy and RTE’s Mary Kennedy, and he started chatting to her, determined not to miss a second opportunity. Eleanor invited him to Martina’s book launch the following day, and they met up in Dublin a week later, and the Leitrim woman and Cavan man have been going strong ever since.
“What struck me about Brendan was that he was very quiet, calm and sincere, and he looks you in the eye when he talks to you and really listens,” says Eleanor. “We are utterly opposite because he’s an introvert and I’m an extrovert, but we had an understanding of each other from the beginning. I also liked his beautiful white curly hair and lovely smile.”
In many ways, it was an unlikely pairing, but Brendan, a consultant general surgeon, now retired, and Jungian psychotherapist, loved that Eleanor was “almost from another world”. “I was attracted to her as she was a confident, attractive woman and very funny and very cheeky,” he says. “Eleanor is very sharp and I’ve always said that she should be a politician. From the Jungian perspective, we’re very similar personality types. Apart from extrovert and introvert, which are opposites, the rest of the pieces, such as thinking and sensing, are similar so that makes it easy to connect, in a way.”
Brendan and Eleanor met at a relatively later stage of life, as she is now in her 50s and he is 65. Had they been younger when they met, they say they would have been delighted to have had children together. On the subject of marriage, they are both happy the way they are and feel that they have a particularly deep and special connection. They are very much believers of living in the “now” and say that the adventure they’re on and the energy between them keeps them very much together. “When I was much younger, I thought I’d have 11 children because I love them,” says Eleanor. “I have absolutely no regrets though, and am very close to my nephew Kevin and niece Eleanor.”
Since they met, Eleanor and Brendan have both had to deal with the loss of their beloved mums, who were both called Eileen. Eleanor lived at home in Keshcarrigan with her mum until she moved to Ballinasloe two years ago to live with Brendan. Brendan lost his dad Michael two decades ago, and Eleanor’s dad Patrick passed away in her arms 27 years ago from a heart attack. He was in his 50s when she, the second-youngest of four, was born. Her mum was 40 but she lived to be 95, and passed in April 2016. Eleanor and her mum were “as thick as thieves”, and enjoyed great rows about politics and religion. While Eleanor got her musical ability from
‘She was confident, attractive, funny and very cheeky’
her mum’s side, she went to work in the HR department of FAS for nine years. She attended music sessions at night and did drama with Betty Ann Norton, and ditched the day job when she was suggested to the band De Danann as a replacement for the departing Dolores Keane.
She loved the five years she spent with the band, and went solo after that, which she also loves. She performed with Ronnie Drew for 12 years, and thought he and his late wife Deirdre were “beautiful, kind and generous people”. Some exciting current projects include tonight (see below) at the Unitarian Church, with a band called Garadice that she formed with three fellow Leitrim musicians as special guests. She and actor Patrick Bergin have also recorded a beautiful single called My Angel in aid of LauraLynn Children’s Hospice, which will be released this Thursday.
Brendan, whose younger brother is actor Michael Harding, enjoyed a great career as a general surgeon in Saudi Arabia, Canada, London and various parts of Ireland. He became very interested in Jungian psychology, named after Carl Jung, and combined his surgical career with being a therapist. Now that he has retired from surgery, he is enjoying working in a more committed way in exploring the psychological inner world. He uses sandplay, or symbol therapy, to help clients heal (see www.sandplayireland.com). He has had two bouts of cancer, one of the prostate and the other a stage three malignant melanoma, but thankfully has overcome both.
As part of First Fortnight Mental Health Arts Festival. Eleanor and John Feeley will be joining Brendan in Jung, Symbols and Songs of Soul. Brendan will relate some stories from the experiences of clients (with their permission) and how they healed themselves through work with symbols, and Eleanor and John will provide music. “Brendan and I really discuss things and if something is bothering either of us, we’re very honest and tackle things head on,” says Eleanor, “I’m really happy and feel this is a much deeper relationship that any I’ve ever had.” Catch Eleanor Shanley & Friends tonight at 8pm at the Unitarian Church. Eleanor and John Feeley play Guillanes Hotel, Ballinasloe, on January 6, and will be joining Brendan Harding in Jung, Symbols and Songs of Soul at the Dock Arts Centre, Carrick-on-Shannon on January 5. www.eleanorshanley.ie