Just make it something small, that’s if you dare

There is an amusing, if somewhat inappropriate, video doing the rounds. It shows a happy Christmas scene with Dad and Mum and the children, and presents being opened everywhere.

In the background Granddad is looking bored and a bit left out.

His son catches this in the corner of his eye and picks a card from the tree with ‘Dad’ on it.

The elderly gentleman opens the card and his eyes light up. He beams and mouths a “thank you”.

The video cuts to a close up of his present — a year’s subscription to a well known pornography website.

Years ago I gave my father an even more inappropriate present although my intentions were good.

Our family habit has always been to give lots of small presents. That way some are bound to hit the mark and others just get forgotten about. There is a large element of “it is the thought that counts”.

When in college I was a great fan of the psychologist B.F. Skinner. His latest book was Enjoy Old Age which some part of my immature brain thought my 58-year-old parent might enjoy.

I don’t think he even mustered the good grace to thank me.

For many years he was heard to say that I knew very little about psychology despite my many years studying it at Trinity College.

I suspect his view was mostly related to this display of lack of tact in that festive season.

There is a widely held view that Christmas is all about the children.

This is a load of rubbish as anyone who has given a loved one something that they did not want knows all too well.

There is the tried-and-trusted method as asking your partner what they would like for their main present.

In this day and age it is all a bit pointless as the norm is for people to work and if you want a new pair of shoes you just buy them for yourself.

There is no sentence that provokes greater fear that “I would like a surprise”.

There are drawers full of unused surprises up and down the land.

There is no greater lie than “I don’t really need anything. Just get me something small. Don’t be wasting money on me”.

Taking that at face value is the first step to your relationship P45.

I have reached that stage in life where the generation that I have given presents to since they were toddlers are now working and probably earning more than I am.

They send around wish lists from their favourite websites which I think is a bit rich.

They are thoughtful enough however to spread their wishes over a wide price range. I just wait to see what presents I receive and a trend has developed that I like.

They make a determined effort to keep me in touch with ‘culture’ that they are fairly sure I will miss. So I usually get books, CDs and DVDs that I have never heard of.

Last year I was introduced to the American writer Sam Thompson, who I loved, and a very weird book called The Silent History which I didn’t get. And the Dublin band Little Green Cars. And Treat me Mean by a Glasgow band called Chump which oddly features a Masterson. The genre is #sulk-core which may be new to you.

It keeps me on my toes.