Susan Jane’s Christmas blowout

Recipes to seduce everyone this Yuletide

Christmas is about giving (out). I like to give my husband material for his new play, so I activate my ego and let it loose alongside the turkey giblets. A playwright’s worst dream is having a happy Yuletide. It gives them writer’s block. I would never do that to my husband.

The run-up to Christmas often feels somewhere between an Alfred Hitchcock movie and a bad Wes Anderson screening. Everything appears dreamy and beautiful. But beneath the surface, our collective passive-aggressive venom is enough to alarm the UN General Assembly.

So with military incisiveness, I start the season with a Swot analysis (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) on my husband. I cannot begin to tell you how much this exercise enhances the Christmas spirit.

When I’m feeling particularly generous I even share my analysis with the in-laws.

In between, I cook, eat, feed and nark. Over the course of my theatricals, I have come to realise that irrespective of how hideously I behave, these recipes succeed in mending moods and marriages.

Rose water halva, below, will add a sophisticated splash of romance to your Christmas party. One taste can ignite the libido, like finding Bradley Cooper under the mistletoe.

But if you don’t want romance at your party (like at a family gathering) then feel free to horse into the walnut whip, right. It’s got enough garlic to end up on Norway’s Richter scale.

My favourite recipe of 2017 is this home-made cola, far right. It’s pure wizardry in a bottle. Merry Christmas, my friends. See you in 2018. Hair: John Cheese, Brown Sugar, 50 South William St, D2, tel: (01) 616-9967, or see brownsugar.ie