Dear John. That is enough for me to read

Iam usually fascinated by the story behind a song. I enjoy listening to a songwriter introduce a song and give the background to how it was written. Sometimes it gives the song a bit more meaning. It definitely changes the way I listen.

Then there are times when we would be better not to know, and it might even have been better if the song was left in the drawer. I still find it hard to listen to John Lennon snarling at Paul after the breakup.

There is a real venom in lines like “How do You Sleep?” and it is not pleasant to hear. Paul was gentler in Too Many People where he says “you took your lucky break and broke it in two”. George had a few goes, also, in Wah-Wah and even Ringo, not well known for his talent in this area, got in on the act with Back Off Boogaloo. And back before she was quite the superstar she is today, Taylor Swift’s ex was the subject of the very public Dear John song.

Being a ‘John’, I am a bit sensitive to these songs. It takes me back to my teenage days when one would receive a note scratched on a jotter pad which bluntly read “Dear John. I do not want to ‘go’ with you any more”. This was utter devastation. I can still see the handwriting. The sum total of ‘go’ in those days was to meet at the radiator in the hall at break times, chat, and maybe fleetingly touch hands.

The opportunities for further romantic development were close to zero. The very outgoing stood together at a rugby or hockey match. But it was what we lived for and in those days it counted as a major PDA.

The pain lessened when a similarly written “Will you go with me?” received a simple “Yes” and the 10 minutes by the radiator was back in my life.

There is no doubt that these teenage rejections prepared me for the vagaries of romance and are as good an argument as any for co-educational schooling. They may have instilled a ‘get out first’ mentality. They may even have played a small role in developing an attitude that if something is not good then change it or move on.

Plus, the important lesson that there are always plenty more fish in the sea. Over the years, many people have had the good sense to take a close look at me, move on, and save both of us needless heartache.

All of this is in my head today because of another Dear John which is sung hauntingly by Eddi Reader and part-written by the wonderful Kirsty MacColl.

This Dear John is as good a breakup song as I have ever heard. It repeatedly hits the nail on the head.

It outlines all of the difficulties of leaving a dull relationship where the passion has died, while fully aware that there may not be anything better out there.

It talks about one person holding the other back. Which of us has not been there in one role or the other? She sings of having dreams, perhaps as a couple, but they are always defeated by hesitation.

And she sums it up with, “I want to live before I die. Dear John”. U2 said it in Kite “…. I’m not afraid to live, and when I’m flat on my back, I hope to feel like I did”.

Not a bad maxim to keep in mind at the beginning of the year.