Dear Siblings,

I’M your elder/younger brother/sister one of the lucky/ unlucky ones who worked hard, saved up to be able to get a house, met someone they loved and who loved in return, got married and got the rooms in the house decorated and furnished as well as we could afford.

We’re the couple who waited, expecting to conceive naturally, but didn’t. We’re the couple who, when we did manage to conceive, lost our longed-for baby in the womb. We’re the couple who tried our best to no avail. We’re the couple who settled, believing it to be the will of God or nature. Whatever the reason, we weren’t going to have children.

We’re the couple who quietly went about our business trying to focus on other things, keeping busy, always willing to help you with one, two or three under-sixes with birthdays, Christmas, Communions or whatever, with babysitting or sleepovers. We’ve been available and in most cases got more out of it than you, because it has helped to fill a void.

You are the elder/younger brother/sister with the sarcastic comments: “Why wouldn’t we support you?”, “Why wouldn’t we be available for child-minding?”, “Aren’t we allowing you access to our children?”, “You should be so thankful to us”, “Now go away until next time...”

You are the people who drain us of confidence, so hooked up in your little world. You forget maybe we would be good for your little darlings. Maybe we would enrich their — and your — lives.

Remember those relatives to whom we were each in turn sent on our summer holidays, alongside a cousin from England, where we learned to dance and play games? When the bachelor from down the lane would hide our penny winnings under his cap; and the roars of laughter when one of the younger ones got a trick and won the game. I was rich and looking back, enriched, by those holidays.

So you younger/older brother/sister, don’t be so meanspirited and treat the “barren” ones with respect. Create in your children a sense of nature and allow and encourage them, through you, to form lifelong bonds and experiences with those of us who haven’t been so lucky.

Yours faithfully and hopefully, No name needed; you all know someone like me (us)