I’m adding a splash of colour to my life

IGET notions. Urges to change things. Like the lay out of the house. And once the seeds are planted in my ever increasingly deranged brain I have to do it straight away.

The offspring are called in to rip things off walls and move heavy objects. I feign weakness and put on my helpless face. The vile and damaged laminate covers, that I inherited with the house, were ripped off the kitchen units and blue paint was purchased. And then I went out to a long and boozy lunch with friends and came back all energised and raring to go.

The only time I become energised now is after a few glasses of wine. I will have to keep topping up if I want to keep on top of things.

I’m not one for preparing. Just slap it on fast I say to myself. I omitted to cover the floor and more paint ended up on the floor than the units. I also omitted to cover the dog and half his head is now blue.

My son who adores the dog is not best pleased — but I actually think it suits him. Adds a splash of colour to his white and brown fur.

I’d bought cheap brushes — so many, many hairs are embedded in the finished product. The kids told me that Stevie Wonder would have made a better job of it.

The next night I decided (having been out again), to cover the leak marks on the kitchen ceiling and I started slapping on white paint — so now I have a complete mixture of paints on the ceiling and chunks of it embedded in my hair and face. And some lumps landed on the freshly painted blue.

I may have to give up the ol’ drink but then I wouldn’t get those bursts of energy and nothing at all would get done.