AINE O’CONNOR

We all learn parenting ignorance can be bliss

THERE might be seven ages of (wo)man, but there are at least 207 ages of parenting. My childer now grown, it’s funny to see parents of younger children debate similar issues to the ones that exercised us back then.

Things like when they could get phones or go to discos seemed incredibly important in their relevant moment. With the Boychild there was great debate over him not being allowed to play over 18s games; with the Girlchild it was more about the point at which wearing make-up outside was appropriate.

As time passes you realise that a lot of the fights we have with our kids are unnecessary because when it boils down not much in life is really, really important. Health, love and happiness pretty much cover it. And you also realise it because your kids do cross lines, sometimes big, fat lines, and despite what you expected, the world doesn’t end.

All kids break rules, it’s part and parcel of establishing independence. Some are more likely to get caught, others are just better at covering their tracks. That’s boys and girls respectively in my limited experience. But you do need to go through it to know it and trying to tell people in the throes of the phone/ make-up/ disco debate can just sound condescending.

And then your kids become adults, have a few drinks and tell hilarious stories about things they got away with. There you were labouring under the illusion of having a great relationship with them and/ or being tremendously clued in because you were a monkey once too. And it turns out you hadn’t a clue what the little feckers were up to all along anyway.

Thank (the) God of your choice.