MILLENNIAL DIARY
THE nation continues to be gripped by Love Island. Much of the drama last week centred around a kiss — was it mutual, or did Jack try to dodge it? Did Georgia go in again for a second go? The viewers saw it all, and felt we knew the truth.
However, ‘evidence’ appeared that seemed to ‘prove’ that the show is ‘fixed’ — it looked a lot like the kiss had been filmed twice from two different angles and the conspiracy theorists of Instagram went to work showing that everything is a lie and we can’t trust anyone — especially not the producers of Love Island.
It was difficult to summon even the smallest of f ***s to give about this — to truly enjoy Love Island, you must suspend your disbelief. You must enter into the theatre of the absurd with total faith that what you are watching is what you are watching. A sense of Tao certainly helps: nothing is good or bad, it just is.
Frankie, who had enjoyed a two-week romance with Samira, was dumped from the island after the fewest people voted for him as their favourite boy. It’s unsurprising, seeing as we were shown literally nothing of him, or of their relationship. Samira was left bereft and confused — she and the other islanders spoke a lot about how well the romance had been going with Frankie and couldn’t figure out why the public would do such a thing. Meanwhile, as she tearfully moped around the villa, viewers rolled their eyes: shur, she hardly knew him. Right?
After Frankie left, he revealed that he and Samira had shared a night together in The Hideaway (a ‘private’ room in the villa — obviously rigged to the hilt with cameras but away from the other islanders).
As viewers, it was unsettling to learn that we were left in the dark about so much. After a few days, Samira left the show to be with Frankie. We shouldn’t think too much about it: the entire house of cards that is Love Island could fall around us if we allow ourselves to realise that our feelings about the islanders are entirely controlled by the producers.
Meanwhile, dumped islander — the rakish though reformed villa villain Adam Collard — has revealed his schedule of club appearances (an easy way to capitalise on what is likely to be a short-lived fame) over the next few months. It kicked off when he promised to be in both Mallorca AND Peterborough in the English Midlands. In the coming months, Ireland can look forward to appearances in Mallow and Maynooth. I’ll say nothing.
******* Last week, Kylie Jenner posted a couple of pictures on Instagram looking suspiciously young and fresh-faced. We’re used to the 20-year-old looking more like a young-for-her-
age 40-year-old divorcee. But her hair was short and wavy, not an extension to be seen.
Our eyes may have deceived us — but it looked like we could see her actual skin. And her lips looked like the lips of a real human person, and not an impressively realistic sexdoll.
Kylie has been a fillers devotee for many years now — she has built an entire brand around them, selling ‘lip kits’ to teens with lipsticks and liners to emulate her look (never mind that you could never get her look with make-up alone). The tastemaker’s decision to ditch the fillers is a heartening move — fillers are expensive and can be risky. And thanks to the likes of Jenner, they have become a huge business — especially in Ireland.
A move towards a less invasive beauty standard can only be a good thing. Mostly because I’m scared of needles.
Indeed, It was a big week for Kylie, as she appeared on the cover of Forbes as the person set to become the “world’s youngest ever self-made billionaire”.
Forbes has valued her cosmetics company at $800m, and with her earnings from TV and brand endorsements, her net worth is an estimated $900m. If Kylie Cosmetics continues to grow at the same rate over the next year, Jenner (who turns 21 next month) will be the youngest ever ‘self-made’ billionaire, beating Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, who did it at 23.
Obviously, people took issue with the ‘self-made’ label — Jenner is from a family of influential millionaires with a readymade customer base and more seed money and support than any entrepreneur could dream of. The idea of her ‘doing it by herself ’ is troublesome.
Needless to say, a crowdfunding page was quickly set up to help Kylie reach official billionaire status.
The organiser wrote: “Kylie Jenner was on the cover of Forbes Magazine today for having a net worth of 900 million dollars, which is heartbreaking... I don’t want to live in a world where Kylie Jenner doesn’t have a billion dollars. WE MUST RAISE 100 MILLION DOLLARS TO HELP HER GET TO A BILLION, PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD, THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.”
It was a joke by beloved Insta-comedian The Fat Jewish (or Josh Ostrovsky), although mystifyingly it did manage to make a few hundred dollars. Equally mystifying, a worryingly large contingent of the internet thought it was legit, and took to Twitter to wail and sigh the demise of humanity and the coming of the social apocalypse. ******* Last week, in its never ending quest to stay relevant, Instagram added a ‘Questions’ sticker — a new way to poll your friends. It felt quaint to millennial users, who will remember various iterations of this popping up over the years.
Ask.fm made a splash a couple of years ago in Ireland when it emerged the anonymous questions site was being used for cyber bullying with tragic consequences. However, that wasn’t a mistake that Instagram was going to make, and users figured out to their horror that the feature wasn’t anonymous at all. Usually after asking a bitchy or ill-advised question.
Needless to say, the Irish influencers at the forefront of digital culture took to it with gusto. We learnt that Louise Cooney has an undergrad in communication studies and a masters in marketing — which, I suppose, should come as no surprise.
When Joanne Larby was asked where her runners were from, she responded with a ‘swipe up’ for affiliate link. We wondered what was Suzanne Jackson’s favourite product she’d developed — it was her Dripping Gold Tan. Meanwhile, Bloggers Unveiled was asked if she’d ever used it — and said she’d rather s**t in her hands and clap.
We learnt that Pippa O’Connor’s front door is white — but she’s not happy about it.
We discovered that Holly Carpenter loses the run of herself at Christmas and eats all around her. When Lauren Bejaoui was asked her best shag, she responded, ‘your da xx’.
God bless the internet.