It’s all a load of balls

In a moment when culture paid no heed to him or his ilk, the preacher nevertheless stood up and said: “It’s all a load of balls, you burst your bollocks and then you die. We are not the first people to draw breath; there were many before, and there’ll be multitudes after. We’ll be gone before we know it. And the next crowd along, ignorant of us, will draw deep and think themselves mighty. And they’ll go, too. It slowly spins, this great old world, round and round and round.

“And the winds are on the same track they’ve always been on. Over and over again. How is the sea not full with all the water flowing into it? You couldn’t put words on the effort of the heart and the appetite for more, but it’s just the same aul’ shite over and over and over. Is there such a thing as time at all?

“And people never learn, but feel as if they need to learn. Very few make it past that: the feeling that they need to learn. Sure I was once the best man ever, and it’s all a load of balls. You can’t outgrow your humanity. I had the crack, but then it went, and I was back where I started, except sadder, for some reason. I had money, too, and I worked hard and well. Provided jobs for others. I built great things and filled the world with goodness. I planted forests, I fed cattle, I owned fine things, fine art, fine jewels; drank the most expensive wine and whiskey. I heard the most amazing music. And there was never a man like me. I had all the portion of the world that I wanted. All the wonders and the treat of it. And I gazed at the whole shagging lot and realised it’s all a load of balls.

“Between money and drinking and thinking… well, thinking is the best. You have a head, woman — use it. But then, even me with all me reading and thinking and meditating and loving, I’m still a fool. I know, though, that even this realisation and lamentation is also a load of balls.

“An eejit and a wise man are both entitled to the same sky. And I realised that it makes no difference what I do; all is useless. You might strive rightly after the fine things, the wisdom of the world, but you’ll get nothing for your suffering. Best to keep it simple. A meal, a drink, and do something small. The pain of excess, irresponsibility and chaos is real. These things I considered, and realised that it’s all a load of balls…

“The world has a rhythm, and everything that happens has to be let happen. And it’s right that it happens, whatever it is that happens. You bust a gut, for what? It’s going to happen anyway. There’s a bigger picture, but you can’t see it. All you know is that it’s there. Or is it?

“Something inside you, that you can’t name or place… something though, yearns. But you can’t see. Not in this incarnation. You can’t get it, you wouldn’t be up to it. I tell you that it is enough of a blessing to have a meal and a drink and a bit of labour that you get satisfaction from. That’s as much as you can hope for. Many is the man and woman that doesn’t have it. Lucky you. Never mind your Porsches and pensions and first-time-buyer’s grant and the rise of the Left and the fall of the Right, or is it the rise of the Right and the fall of the Left? I can’t remember. Anyway. A sandwich, a glass of water. Build a wall, happy out. Keep it simple. Lucky you.

“The world moves in circles, and everything in it, too. Where she’s been, she’s already been, and where she’s going, she’s been there, too. There’s bad bastards in the world, but no man is better than a dog. Nor a dove, nor a donkey. Every living thing that breathes will stop, and the world will still be packed with every living thing. That which is gone is here already. And you would not know what is the far side of this life. You would not know. Sure who’d show it to you?

“A lot of poor phuckers out there, and no one to mind them. A lot of bad bastards out there too, and no one to mind them, either.

“Better off dead than alive, and better off than that pair is the ones that haven’t been born at all. It’s hard to get on in this world without someone else suffering. And it’s all a load of balls. Better to have nothing and to be taking it easy, than having to sprint around and trying to get it all. Some people do be bursting themselves, working day and night with nothing but greed between their ears, and it’s only them that’s in it. Fending for themselves.

“Better to have a pal you can lie up agin and give you shelter when needed. Solo Joe falls down and there’s no one there to pick him up. Cold comfort from his own bones, he gets. Better to be young and broke and have friends that’ll mind you, than to be old rich and alone. That type of king is trapped in himself, and everyone in his kingdom is trapped in him, too.

Anyway, even if a new king comes along and all the world gives praise, they, too, will know, that ultimately… it’s all a load of balls.”