Just dial 1-800 TAXFREE

COME on down right now to crazy Ireland. These prices are never to be repeated. Are you a misunderstood multimillionaire? Do you get caught for pesky tax in your home country or whatever country you’re pretending to live in? Did you know there’s no need to worry about taxes? Just come on down to Ireland where the richer you are, the less tax you pay.

Here’s our promise to you: If you are worth more than €50m, we GUARANTEE that you will pay less tax than the average working Joe Schmo. That’s right! Our promise is that some poor fool on the average industrial wage, an amount so tiny it wouldn’t buy you a Patek Philippe watch, will pay more tax than you. In fact, we’ll go even further. Come to Ireland and our price promise is that THE LITTLE PEOPLE WILL PAY YOUR TAXES FOR YOU! And when we say little people, we don’t mean non-existent leprechauns. These people actually exist! That’s right. Your taxes, paid for you, every year, by poor people. And if they don’t pay out, we will chase them to the ends of the earth.

But maybe you’re not a rich person. Maybe you’re a large multinational corporation with more cash than a medium-sized country floating around the world in search of a safe haven. The great news today is that YOU’LL DO TOO! Our special offers are open to you as well. Just set up a complex web of companies moving cash and intellectual property in and out of Ireland and we’ll make sure you pay less tax than a farmer crossed with a burger van guy who only takes cash.

You may wonder, if you ever come to visit Ireland briefly while you are resident here, how we can keep up these deals. You will see a country where our education and health systems are creaking at the seams, where we have no money to provide vital services like operations for kids with scoliosis and early intervention for kids with intellectual disabilities.

You will see old people spending 24 hours on trolleys with no dignity, and you will see children growing up in hostels and hotels. And you might think, ‘This has got to be a scam! These people need money so badly there’s no way they can keep up this tax regime.’

Trust us, we can. Because we don’t really give a damn about all those people. All we ask is that you make some kind of donation to a good cause or charity of your choice, so that you feel a bit better about yourself, but our guarantee to you is that we promise we will not ask you to contribute in any way to society.

Just dial 1-800 TAXFREE right now and one of our operators is waiting to get you set up. Hurry up though, because these offers are for a limited time only — as long as we can get away with it. Terms and conditions may apply — BUT THEY WON’T!

Plus as a special bonus offer right now; if you have any empty buildings lying around we will give you €15m, yes €15m, for nothing. We can’t give it away fast enough.