The many changing faces of sympathy

IF you never got a kick in the shin, you wouldn’t know what a kick in the shin felt like. Someone could tell you and you would understand the generality of pain but not of the shin specifics. Our own experiences affect how we deal with other people’s problems and pain, but so too does our sympathy/ empathy style.

The best of all is the wonderful, straight up, let it out, what can I do to help? great friend who lets you run with your pain, distracts where possible and supports when not. On the opposite side of the spectrum are those who perceive themselves as victims, not those who have suffered, but those who define themselves by their suffering. They see sympathy as a competitive sport and cannot acknowledge anyone else’s suffering lest it challenge the supremacy of their own.

In the middle we have the Minimiser who keeps telling you “It could be worse”. Which is fine if you have been moaning non-stop for months about the same thing but is a bit of a pain if it just happened. Yeah, it could be worse, it could also be bleeding better. They are probably trying to make you feel better, but they are also possibly trying to reduce your feelings so they don’t have to deal with them too much. But they mean well.

Also in the middle is the Maximiser. This is someone who hears something that’s happening for you and makes it massive. OH MY GOD!! How are you coping ???? Em, OK? There you had been thinking you had a thing to deal with, and they make you think it’s a trauma. I presume that is something to do with them too, a good 80pc of anything anyone does or says to you is about them, I’m struggling with the Maximiser though so answers on a postcard if you know.