Put up or shut up about putting on make-up

ACCORDING to a survey I was sent this week 19pc of us think women doing their make-up on public transport should be banned. I’d like to tell you why they are dummies. First of all, I’m pro public make-up application because of time economics. (I either put my make-up on on the bus to work in the morning or I don’t put it on at all). To those who argue it infringes on their space, I say rubbish. I can put on a full face without even brushing the elbow of the person next to me. No one makes wild arm movements doing their face, it’s not the bloody backstroke.

So, since it’s nothing to do with physics, it must be the optics that bother people. To that I say the subconscious belief that women should always be nice to look at, and that any of their ‘lady things’ should be done discreetly out of the eyesight of any sensitive chaps is misogynistic BS. My raison d’etre is not to be an aesthetically pleasing walking womb. I’d also like to point out how hypocritical this nonsense is. Tabloids excoriate women who are ‘caught’ without their slap on while also gleefully humiliating women who have gone too far with the fillers. We can’t win.

To those who say it should be done at home I counter with this: people eat McDonald’s on the bus, have obnoxious conversations about bills, dinner plans and whose turn it is to do the washing up. Men watch porn on phones on the bus for flip’s sake. Lastly, to anyone who just says ‘gross’, I’d like to point out that men can (and do) piss against any nightclub wall or 90 degree angle. In fact, I delicately jetted over eight rivulets of last night’s wee just this morning so don’t tell me I can’t put a bit of blusher on the bus mate.