Health

As Valentine’s Day looms, Aifric Morrissey will be flooded with memories of the day her beloved husband died. She tells Joy Orpen how, consequently, she understands the importance of routine cardiac screening

I had to bring my kids to see their dying dad

When it comes to Valentine’s Day, Aifric Morrissey (51) is unlikely to get excited about pink satin hearts or cherubic Cupids.

On the contrary, she’s more likely to value the qualities of affection, loyalty and commitment when it comes to meaningful relationships. Fortunately, her husband Graham Pasley had these attributes in abundance. Aifric started going out with Graham when she was just 20 years old and studying to become a physiotherapist at Trinity College Dublin. She also played hockey, and as luck would have it, Graham was coaching one of the teams.

This relationship blossomed in a very natural way. “We began spending more and more time with each other,” explains Aifric. “Other couples often pursue their separate interests, but Graham and I liked to do things together. We both enjoyed walking, travelling, playing sport and the pub.”

Over time, the pair settled into their respective careers. Graham, who had a master’s in political behaviour, ended up as an insurance broker, while Aifric devoted herself to physiotherapy. A decade into their relationship, they began to think about having a family. “I then discovered I couldn’t have kids,” says Aifric, “and that was a pretty traumatic experience.”

Eventually, they decided that adoption was the best option. They married on February 13, 2002, to facilitate that process. Then they registered with an agency that arranged the adoption of babies from abroad. So, early in 2004, they went to Mexico with the expectation that they would be able to adopt a particular child there. But on February 13 — their second anniversary — that adoption fell through. “It was a devastating few days,” Aifric recalls.

However, in the fullness of time, they would discover that the old adage ‘when one door closes, another opens’ was absolutely spot-on. On the very same day that the adoption in Mexico fell through, another very special baby was born in Ireland. Upon their return, Aifric and Graham were asked if they’d like to adopt that baby. They had no hesitation in saying yes to Ella coming into their lives. Unbelievably, within a month, Aifric had also conceived their son Ben; and a year after his birth, Oscar was born.

By all accounts, this was a family who led a whirlwind existence. Graham was a fully involved, hands-on dad, who not only took their children to play various sports, he also participated himself.

As it happened, 2012 was a landmark year in the lives of the Morrissey-Pasley family. They took the children skiing in Italy, and they celebrated Graham’s 50th birthday in the Dordogne in France. In May of that year, Graham watched Leinster trounce Ulster in the final of the Heineken Cup at Twickenham, and he watched Andy Murray defeat Roger Federer in the Olympic final, which was held at Wimbledon. It didn’t get much better than that.

But just a few months later, things nose-dived disastrously when Graham collapsed at work. “Niall, his boss, did CPR until the ambulance arrived,” explains Aifric. “It took them 40 minutes to get his heart beating again, but on the way to hospital, he had another heart attack.” Tests revealed that Graham had three blocked arteries. Aifric was astonished.

“Graham swam three times a week; he walked, he ran, and he was a member of the Phoenix Cricket Club. Work was going well, we had a nice house and three wonderful kids,” she says, adding, “He was a bit overweight and was supposed to take statins, but he was a typical Irish man who was terrified of doctors.”

Just three days after Graham had been admitted to ICU, Aifric was advised to bring the children in to see their dying father. By then, the room was filled with relatives from both families. Graham’s best friend Rod Gibson had flown in from London. At one point, six-year old Oscar asked if his dad would be home for Halloween.

“The message was that his father was the sickest man in the hospital and that he was going to die,” says Aifric. Just a few minutes later, Graham’s life support was switched off, and then he was gone.

“The loss of Graham is huge,” says Aifric. “It’s felt every day. You learn to live with the terrible loss, but never really get over it — just bury it. For the kids, it’s immense; I know what they are missing. Graham was so quietly special.”

However, it’s clear, she and the children get terrific, ongoing support from both their families and from close friends. Aifric says that, at the time of Graham’s death, the children were also warmly embraced by the staff, parents and pupils, at the school they attended.

Nonetheless, there is no doubt that it’s tough for Aifric being a single parent. But mercifully she has her hand firmly on the rudder of this tight ship. “You just have to keep moving forward,” she says. “You cope from day to day. But then something small happens, and it all feels too hard. I’ve survived because I’m surrounded by really good people.”

Aifric is adamant that more must be done to ensure everyone has cardiac screening. “Doctors need to take a more proactive approach when their patients present with risk factors,” she says. “When Graham did the medical for this house, they should have said, ‘We’re not going to give it to you until you have been screened’. If he’d been thoroughly

checked, they would probably have picked up that he had problems, and he might still be alive today. Screening for heart issues isn’t difficult, and it’s cost-effective in the long run. They’re doing their best to get people running and walking. But with three blocked arteries, Graham was going to get caught. Cardiac checks should be compulsory, and as common as BreastCheck and cervical screening.”

Raising funds for the Irish Heart Foundation is one of the reasons why Aifric organises a large group of people to take part in the 5K Remembrance Run in the Phoenix Park. Her son Oscar (12) is also keen on helping out. When he won €50 a while back, he gave €20 to animal welfare, €5 to a man who was begging, and the rest to the Irish Heart Foundation.

Clearly, he’s a boy with a heart of gold, just like his much-loved dad.

This Valentine’s Day, the Irish Heart Foundation is asking people to Show Some Heart by donating funds in the name of someone they love, or out of the goodness of their heart. Donations will help in the fight against heart disease and stroke, two of Ireland’s biggest killers.