ELEANOR GOGGIN

Why I’m so gullible for food marketing ploys

THEY say not to go shopping if you’re hungry. In my case, that’s a bit of a joke. I’m constantly hungry. A relentless gnawing hunger.

And I’m also permanently taken in by marketing ploys. Fancy packaging. Fancy words. Luscious descriptions. If they just say mushroom soup I can walk on. If they say ‘creamy’ mushroom soup I’m hooked — so when they said ‘creamy forestiere’ mushroom soup the other day, I went over the edge and had three of them in my basket in a flash.

I don’t even know what forestiere means, but that’s irrelevant. So is the fact that I don’t particularly like mushroom soup.‘Tender succulent’ steaks will also do it. And, yes, I realise that nobody is going to advertise ‘tough as leather’ steaks but I’m a sucker for words.

When the package says ‘oozing garlic butter’ I’m there. But I get it home and there’s evidence that the garlic butter was thrown from a distance, and whoever threw it missed. A thin scrape is all that’s there.

But I believe them every time. ‘Fluffy’ rice. ‘Smoky’ tomato salsa. ‘Decadent’ chocolate mousse. ‘Tangy’ orange cake. ‘Moist’ lemon drizzle cake. ‘Crumbly’ apple pie. And then there’s the picture on the box that doesn’t vaguely resemble what’s inside.

Other people go for descriptions like ‘sugar free’ or ‘fat free’, or maybe ‘healthy’ and ‘organic’ — while there I am scanning for words like juicy, creamy, and moist.

I’m the same in a restaurant. If only they could make the description of the slimming options sound more appealing while describing creamy curry as rancid and vile. Somebody should employ me to make up menus, because I definitely know what will get to people.