Skye’s the limit for ex-Labour spin doc
MY PET
HI there, I’m Skye. As in the island. Every time I am out on a walk, my master and mistress feel they have to explain that to anyone who asks. “It’s Skye, as in Scotland — nothing to do with Sky, as in Rupert Murdoch, Adam Boulton and Gary Neville.”
I’m one of those dogs that everyone wants to stop and coo over though, to be honest, I think it is because they want to talk politics to my walkers. You’ve probably heard of them. Alastair Campbell and Fiona Millar. Alastair was apparently big in the time of the Good Friday Agreement. He’s always on the phone shouting at people that “this
Brexit s**tshow” — no pooperscoopers involved — is putting it all at risk.
I have no idea what he is talking about. I wasn’t even born when Brexit was born. I am only 18 months old. Brexit has been such a part of my life I am amazed they called me Skye, not Brexit. But they hate Brexit. And they love Skye. The island. And me.
They often cuddle me on my favourite sofa and tell me they love me more than anything on earth. I’m not so sure. If they did, they wouldn’t bang on about Brexit morning, noon and night.
I’ve never been to Ireland. He always flies there — no way am I going in the hold in a cage. I’ve been to France loads. We go by car. I love it there. In London restaurants and cafes, it’s a struggle for a dog to get in. France is another story — “ah, quel chien adorable. Comment il s’appelle?” (I am actually an ‘elle’ but I have had the bits off, so who cares? Even in France they say ‘Skye comme l’ile Ecossaise, pas Murdoch!’ — like the French have a clue who Adam Boulton is.)
Every time we are at the pet passport centre in Calais, one of them turns around and says, “All down to the Labour government this is, Skye.” Yeah, yeah whatever .... Tony who? He doesn’t even have a dog.
So I am very much a European dog. Dead worried about that Boris Johnson — he’s never going to win smartest turnout at Crufts, is he? As for that dog his new girlfriend got to make him look human... Did you see the picture of him watching the rugby with it? That dog needs rescuing.
Round where I live in north London you’ve got every nationality under the sun. My favourite walk is over Hampstead Heath — and some days it’s like the United Nations.
A few too many Russians these days — a lot of their spies live around Highgate way — and apparently they’re well stuck into our election. I’ll be glad when it’s over, to be honest.
Too much stress in the house. I do my best to chill them out. But every day something happens to send them off the scale and I have to jump up and do my best ‘come on guys, let’s go for a walk’ look. To be fair, it always works.
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