Basic B*tch

Millennial drinks-party bores

“Hi, sorry, I literally forgot your name

immediately. Tell me again. So sorry. Soo nice to meet you.”

“It’s Rachel — I was actually at Galentine’s here as well... and Halloween?”

“OH! God. Sorry. Halloween! Well, I was wearing a mask, so.

God. It seems like years ago — I’ve just been going non-stop since. It’s a nightmare: a genuine nightmare.”

“Heh. Yeah. Well — that time of year! I wonder what this vinegar is, it’s kind of... sweet?”’

“Pomegranate, probably. Raspberry. I don’t know how I’m going to stomach this. I’m stuffed. I literally just had a cabbage wellington at another Early Christmas. School friends. I’m f*cking done. It’s a joke.”

“Hmm. It tastes almost citrussy. Yuzu?”

“Blood Orange. Strawberry. Tarragon. December is basically a write-off, it seems to be for everyone — none of the Christmas get-togethers are in December this year. I’ve weddings two of the weekends, and I’m doing a Christmas getaway with Tom in Wicklow on the 20th, because we’re both obviously going to our respective parents for the day itself. So we’re doing a whole Christmas-morning thing on the Saturday with presents, and a turkey, and all the trimmings. God, I hate Christmas. You know, I got this invitation seven weeks ago? My whole November was booked out by September.

People I haven’t seen all year crawl out of the woodwork ‘for a catch-up before Christmas’, and don’t get me started on work.”

“Apache chilli, I wonder, does it have a kick?”

“Basil, bay, juniper.

It’s not just your own work’s Christmas parties, you know. It’s clients, partners, client partners. The Doodle poll for the flatmates’ Christmas dinner didn’t throw up any available dates, so we’re doing that on February 1. I’m just going to Facetime the cousins’ Christmas drinks from the toilet at book-club Christmas drinks. It’s a scourge, I’m sick of it.”

“I have to admit, I kind of like it. Harry’s Tofurkey Curry Buffet should be good crack anyway!”

“Harry’s having a party? Huh. He didn’t mention it. I must drop him a text. I think it’s balsamic.”