Time to purge the pals who bring you down

SOMEONE was telling me a story about their daughter. Her best laid plans had fallen through and she was at a loss as to what to do with herself. The young woman has an interest in writing and needs to earn a living so I suggested that maybe she could try her hand at journalism. “Oh God no, she wouldn’t do that!” It was like I had suggested she become a puppy torturer.

I laughed because it seemed extreme: journalism isn’t so bad in the grand scheme of world woes. And erm, you know, that’s what I do, as my interlocutor was well aware. Sometimes people say things without thinking, and I reckon that’s what happened: her horror at the notion of her daughter becoming a hack was so profound that it erupted before she could check her surroundings.

But there are times when people say things which are designed to bring you down a peg or two. It can be direct: “Your trousers are horrible.” It can be indirect/ faux naive: “Barbara has such a lovely profile, you have the same weak chin as I do,”; or any insult followed up with, “I didn’t mean that,” or “Oh you can’t take a joke!”.

It doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end of that stuff and I am of the firm belief that any persistent offenders need to be permanently ejected from your life. Old ‘friend’ or not. But sometimes they’re not always that ejectable. So when the unejectable are being undelectable, simply remember it is not you, it is them. If they feel the need to take you down a peg or two, it’s because they’re angry, inadequate or jealous. Your trousers are actually lovely and you can take a joke.

And as long as one’s daughter doesn’t become a journalist everything is fine.