Weed or no weed, same policies

SO what was that on the TV the other night? The three blokes in the room? That was an election debate. People have to pick which one of those blokes they want in charge.

I pick the guy asking the questions.

No, not him. They have to pick between one of the other two.

OK. What’s the difference between them?

One guy smoked weed once; the other guy didn’t. Is that it?

Well, they also differ on how to spend the €11bn.

We’ve got €11bn? Yay!

What’ll we do with it?

Slow down. We don’t have €11bn yet. But if everything goes well we’ll have €11bn to spare over the next five years, so obviously we are already spending it in our heads. Because we’ll definitely get it. What could possibly go wrong?

So what’s the difference between how the two of them want to spend the €11bn?

Well, one of them wants to spend it mainly on health and housing and tax cuts, and the other guy wants to spend it mainly on health and housing and tax cuts.

So what’s the difference? Well, it’s a question of emphasis. They differ on how many tens of thousands of houses they want to build, how many thousands of medics they want to hire, how many millions of hours of home care they want to bring on stream, how much tax they want to cut. Things like that.

So not a huge difference then?

Well, apparently one of them is about ‘change’, and then the other guy says he didn’t do enough when he was in charge, so he wants to do more. The guy who didn’t do enough has become very apologetic and humble. He would like another chance.

Could they not both be in charge together? It sounds like they have roughly the same approach.

Funnily enough, the guy who once smoked a bit of weed suggested that, but the guy who didn’t smoke the weed wouldn’t have it. He says people want change.

But neither of them will have enough seats to be in charge on their own.

So one of them will have to go in with the next biggest party?

Well... no. Both the weed guy and the non-weed guy have ruled that out.

OK. And I suppose they couldn’t go into power with any of the left-wing parties because the left-wing parties would have totally different ideas about how to spend the €11bn?

Yes, the left-wing parties are roughly saying they will spend most of it on health and housing and tax cuts…

Hang on a minute. Isn’t that the same as…?

…But with a different emphasis on how many houses and how many medics and what taxes they’ll cut.

I’m confused now.

You’re not the only one. Two more weeks of this? Yep.