Romeo and Juliet have lots to answer for

IT’S one thing to just not like a friend or family member’s partner. I have only ever liked my in-laws but can imagine that the tension must be mighty if that is not the case, or if your friend marries someone you really dislike. But if there is no harm and your friend is happy, what’s to be done but grin and fake it?

It’s another thing when someone you love is smitten with someone you think is harmful. Whether it be that the partner is a financial leech or whether your loved person seems to behave differently around their new love, if something feels off it is probably worth discussing, gently. But if your loved one seems genuinely happy, again, what’s to be done but play nice.

However, when you see someone in a relationship that is clearly abusive, physically or emotionally, and they’re not happy, or are mostly unhappy, what can you do? When you see someone suffer because of a relationship that is always full of drama you can wonder why they bother. But so often they do. Maybe they just like the drama, maybe they’re afraid to be alone, maybe they really believe that he, she, it will change.

Part of the problem too is that we are led to believe that love hurts. Our romantic epitome, Romeo and Juliet, could you have a worse example? But pain is not generally considered a good thing, so why is it for love? Part and parcel of wedding ceremonies is where they say how love can be hard. No, marriage is hard. Cohabitation and negotiation are hard. Not because of love but because of laundry and the toilet seat and time and money. But love is not difficult.

Love only hurts when it ends and if it hurts in the interim, maybe it just isn’t love.