Amid a crisis, the Coalition Waltz continues

When we look at the reality of so-called ‘government formation’ talks, the threadbare truth is obvious, writes Gene Kerrigan

MY apologies for stating the obvious, but it wouldn’t do us any harm at all to have a government, right now.

The Covid-19 crisis seems to have ramped up faster than the medical experts hoped. This leaves less time to prepare for the expected epidemic.

The virus most likely will inconvenience the young and kill the old. With lives at stake, costly decisions may need to be made quickly by a government that has the confidence of the people. How’s that going?

In a related matter, we still need a government capable of tackling the long waiting lists in the public hospitals, the emergency departments that are still based on a trolley culture, and the GP system that remains in crisis.

The other social problems that mark the failure of the Fianna Fail/Fine Gael cartel remain as severe as ever.

The official homeless figures that decreased just in time for the general election have now gone back up.

On the bright side, the rich in this country have never been richer. They’ve accelerated the pace at which they take more than their fair share.

It’s one month today since we got the results of the election. What have FF/ FG been doing for the past 28 days?

Well, last Wednesday, there was a press release that told us there had finally been an “all-day meeting” between FF and FG. There were four delegates from FG and seven from FF.

And?

Well, the all-day meeting began at 11am.

That’s one of your problems, right there. There’s a culture of dossing in Irish politics. When the Dail is up and running, for instance, it starts work on Tuesday. Not Tuesday morning, mind you, Tuesday afternoon.

That culture of dossing ensured that when the FF/ FG cartel staged a “meeting”, to convince us they’re serious people, it was no more than an obvious stunt.

It had taken them 25 days to get together. And after the “all-day meeting” no statement was agreed, they didn’t announce a schedule of further meetings.

No evidence whatever was produced that this was anything other than a staged event, held for no reason other than to announce that it happened.

By 4.45 on Wednesday they’d had enough. They’d put in a mighty day, five whole hours and 45 minutes (lunch included?).

Their statement claimed they discussed “housing, health, cost of living and climate change”.

Very serious issues on which they have failed repeatedly, and they spent an average of one hour and 26 minutes on each. And they produced nothing to show they’d anything old to say on these matters, let alone anything new.

And that was it. The two parties that have dominated the country for a century, in the midst of a lifethreatening crisis, couldn’t be bothered to even try to make it look like they were serious.

“Have we been in here long enough? Should we hang on until 5pm? Ah, shag this for a game of cowboys.”

Next day, Micheal Martin got 25 minutes on RTE to tell us what a great “sixhour” meeting this was.

The delegates discussed “housing, health and climate change”, he said, but they also discussed “the economy” and “a range of other issues”, which were apparently not noticed by the people who put out the press release the previous day.

Micheal told us of the “two-day session” FF had with the Greens, and how they’d also talked to the “centrist independents”.

So, being generous, and using the “all-day meeting” as a measure, FF can claim to have spent perhaps four days (or parts of those days) in very fluffy, unspecific, inconclusive “talks” with a handful of other TDs, with no evidence of strategic purpose.

Fine Gael also had a chat with the Greens. But their big move last week was to write a letter to Sinn Fein.

It seems FG’s marketing people decided that not talking isn’t a good look — people think you lack seriousness.

So Leo Varadkar wrote a letter to Mary Lou McDonald. His people leaked the fact that “the aim of the letter was to show up Sinn Fein as a party who were not interested in leading the next government”.

Mr Varadkar expressed anger that Sinn Fein hadn’t replied immediately.

So, a month gone by, and all they have to show for it is some posing.

But, aren’t they at least saying they recognise there’s a demand for change?

Well, Micheal Martin had something to say about that, too. He had, he said, “a sense that there will have to be a different approach”.

When politicians have a “sense” of something it means they’re choosing to interpret matters in a way they think might impress their audience, without committing themselves to anything. When Martin was asked what he meant by change, he said “the fundamental change would be in delivery”.

So, policies and priorities will remain the same, but “delivery” will improve. If that means anything at all — and I’m not sure it does — it means they will do precisely what they did before, but this time they’ll do it better.

Day by day, the media faithfully described this nonsense as in some way related to “government formation”.

Here’s a different way of looking at it. The election produced a stand-off. The only figures that made sense were an FF/FG coalition.

Two problems: firstly, the electorate definitely didn’t vote for a return of the old firm. And, secondly, there would be kickback from FF/ FG members, who hate each other.

Varadkar and Martin needed to spin things out as long as possible — making just enough moves to appear to be doing something. Eventually, they can declare they’ve done their best, and though they really don’t want to enter coalition together, they’re willing to make the sacrifice, in the interests of the country.

They’ll agree to share the spoils of office on patriotic grounds.

Meanwhile, Sinn Fein did the rounds, but it was quickly apparent they hadn’t the numbers to form a leftof-centre government. So, they held a series of public meetings.

Essentially, with nothing else on offer, they were thanking supporters and laying some groundwork for the next election.

Fianna Fail initially panicked when the election results came in. Micheal Martin appeared to renege on his promise not to consider coalition with Sinn Fein.

Some FF TDs barked at him, so he reneged on his reneging. No way would he talk to Sinn Fein.

Micheal had also promised not to go into coalition with Fine Gael. He took his time but eventually announced he was reneging on that, too. Some FF TDs barked, and Micheal is believed to be currently assessing how serious the barks are. He may reverse his position again.

This is known as leadership.

“The people would never forgive us for another election,” said Micheal, carefully putting another part of his patriotic excuse in place.

Really?

Voting takes a bit of effort, but there are serious matters at stake. You don’t think we might like a say in whether we bring back another version of the government we’ve just rejected?

Or do we just sit passively, pretending we believe they respect the demand for change, while the discredited old firm dance their Coalition Waltz, and speak of a “sense” of change as they slink, slip and sidle nonchalantly back into each other’s arms?

‘This was a staged event, held for no reason other than to announce that it happened’