Keep your germs to yourself, septic Judas

STOICISM is overrated. Endless moaning is a complete pain in the face — but overactive forbearance is tedious too. Especially when it involves big septic eejits rocking up at your house with their snot and germs. They arrive with their rheumy eyes and their balled up tissues and proffer a kiss.

A kiss? Get away from me, septic Judas!

It’s the same with people who go to work unwell or bring their sick kids to school. If you’re freelance you can’t afford the day off, I get it. And if you’re working and you can’t get the kids minded, I get that too.

But still, no.

Sometimes people don’t know they’re incubating — but plenty of times people do know, and they still appear in public. It isn’t stoic, it’s annoying. I don’t want your disease but I really, really, really don’t want to bring it home to my immuno-suppressed daughter.

The current Covid-19 hysteria has prompted reminders for people to practise “good respiratory hygiene” (the basic manners of covering your mouth when you cough or sneeze). Because not blocking off a big spluttery 100mph snot’n’germs sneeze is the respiratory equivalent of the fly-tipping savages who dump their rubbish in beauty spots.

Germs spread, people get sick — but if you know you’re sick, why are you going out?

I’m blithely assuming I can weather the average bug. Talk about tempting fate. But still, I don’t want to get sick. I won’t be able to earn money and I’m tedious beyond belief when I am unwell, but for other people that bug can prove serious. If you’re septic and want to be stoic, could you do it at home?