My Favourite Room
Darina Ni Chuinneagain-Donnelly has suffered the living nightmare that is the loss of a child, but she hasn’t allowed it to define her. Instead, she honours her son’s memory while rearing her family, and creating a charming home
Darina Ni Chuinneagain-Donnelly and the charity built on the wings of love
When a person suffers a tragedy, it’s hard to know how they can go on. But such is the resilience of the human spirit, go on they usually do, though each person will have his or her own way of coping. Often, their home will be central to the situation. For some, it’s imperative to get away from the memories the house has stored up and they quickly move on; others will want to stay, precisely because it is the storehouse of those very memories.
When Darina Ni ChuinneagainDonnelly lost her beautiful 10-month-old baby boy, Max, to meningitis 18 years ago, several things were imperative, and one of those was the need to stay in the house which had been home to baby Max. “I refused to move. Max was born into this house, it was Max’s home. I couldn’t move,” she offers.
However, Darina’s home isn’t a sad house; the opposite is the case. It’s full of colour and charm and vibrancy, and a quick glance around reveals her many passions.
There is a corner devoted to Max and the charity she started in his name, but there are also many photos and items relating to her other kids — Ryan (21) and Zena (17). There’s ample evidence, too, of her interests: lots of art, a framed antique tennis racquet — she’s a keen tennis player — and there’s a baby grand piano, which she practises on daily.
Darina was a professional concert pianist and it grounds her to sit at the piano every day, if only for a short while. “I might only sit for 20 minutes, but I sit and play every day, to keep the fingers nimble,” she explains.
Music is always with her. One of the first things she did after Max died was to honour a concert commitment made prior to his illness, but then music has been at the heart of her life since her childhood, growing up the fourth of six children, in Mount Merrion.
“My mother was a violinist, she got a scholarship to the Paris Conservatoire,” Darina says. “She sacrificed her career for us, but continued to play, and my father, who was the head of the department of translation, was a great occasional singer. Every one of us is musical, and we all went to the Royal Irish Academy of
Music and were blessed to have great teachers.”
Darina was the youngest ever winner, at 13, of the RTE Young Musician of the Future. She went on to study pure music at UCD, and while she enjoyed the academic side, she loved performing.
She got a scholarship to Siena for two months, and after that, got an opportunity to study with the renowned Maria Curcio-Diamond in London for four years. “During those years, you’re being prepared for international competitions, but you’re a concert pianist at the same time. What people don’t appreciate is you’re looking at eight hours practice a day before any performance,” she says.
It’s an expensive education, and she was lucky enough to have been sponsored by Aer Lingus, Smurfit and ICC, for whom she did concerts in return. During university and while in London, she also taught piano lessons.
After her years in London, Darina returned home, and shortly after, met her future husband, Declan Donnelly. “I had spotted him in Annabel’s when I was on a trip home, but actually met him properly a year later when I was with some mutual
“I had spotted him in Annabel’s when I was on a trip home, but actually met him properly a year later when I was with some mutual friends”
“I was passionate about minding my own children. I played the piano virtually every day, with Ryan and Max playing around me”
friends,” Darina recalls with a laugh.
Their courtship wasn’t without setbacks — Declan was stabbed when they were only dating six months. “These guys were robbing his car, and when he tried to stop them, they put a screwdriver through his chest. One of his lungs collapsed, and I thought he was going to die,” Darina says.
Fortunately Declan, who is in construction, survived, and the couple continued their relationship. “He’s a very strong man, mentally and physically,” she says. “He’s very into rugby, golf and Gaelic, and then tennis, thanks to me”
Darina’s tennis led to their next setback. “I was at one of the fittest stages in my life and out of the blue, not long before we got engaged, I got a deep-vein thrombosis in my leg,” she says.
Finally, six years after they first met, they got married, and Ryan, the first of their kids was born, then Max arrived. “When I was pregnant with Ryan, I changed, possibly because of my mother. She reared six children, and there wasn’t a day in my life that she wasn’t present for us. And we’re a very close family. As a concert pianist, you’re away so many months, and it doesn’t stop when you come back, so what do you do?” Darina says, adding, “Each to her own, but I was passionate about minding my own children. I played the piano virtually every day, with Ryan and Max playing around me. I’m first and foremost a mother, so I had to stop the travelling.”
Little did she realise then that her life would suddenly and utterly change in another way. Max was 10 months old, and out of the blue, he got meningitis. “We still can’t comprehend it. He was a big baby, very active — friends used to say we
had a potential prop for Ireland; [there were] no signs of illness, the poor little fellow. Then, out of the blue, he had to be rushed to hospital with a very high temperature,” Darina recalls.
“In one hospital, they said, ‘Go home, there’s nothing the matter’, but told us if we were still concerned the next day, we could bring him to a children’s hospital.”
They didn’t take the hospital’s advice, and instead went straight to Temple
Street. He had a four-day battle in the intensive-care unit, but they couldn’t save him. Two days in, Darina and Declan were told if they could put him on a particular machine, a haemofiltration machine, Max might be saved. Temple Street didn’t have the machine, but they borrowed one from the Mater. “They were
“I refused to move. Max was born into this house, it was Max’s home. I couldn’t move”
wonderful to us in Temple Street,” Darina says. “There and then, I vowed to buy that machine for them. I made that commitment before our son died. That was to become the start of Baby Max Wings of Love.”
While the machine couldn’t save Max, Darina resolved that no other child in the hospital should depend on a borrowed machine. “Losing a child is a living nightmare. You do not get over it. Some days, I still don’t believe it. We function,
we get on with it, but he’s always in our thoughts. He’s in the thoughts of Ryan and Zena, too. Zena is only 17, but she’s a singer/songwriter, and before performances, she’s been heard to say, ‘Max, mind me’. He’s in our daily lives, and maybe starting the charity saved my life. There is definitely something telling me to keep going, and I give all the credit to him.”
The charity, which they called Baby Max Wings of Love after a poem Darina’s sister wrote about Max, became 24/7 after that, fitting it in around the children’s lives.
“The very first fundraiser [I organised], I discovered I was pregnant with Zena — often working late into the night.”
Darina organised golf events, auctions, charity balls, coffee mornings — any event she could think of. She did all the
“Maybe starting the charity saved my life. Something tells me to keep going, and I give all the credit to Max”
organising, marketing and PR herself, never taking a salary, but she insists that she couldn’t have done it without her family and friends and the many celebrities who helped with each event.
The fundraising has been phenomenal, and the charity has bought machines not only for Temple Street, but also for Crumlin and hospitals nationwide.
“We have donations coming in all the time. A year ago, a brand new state-of-theart cardiology unit opened in Crumlin, and the charity gave 27 heart monitors to that unit. “That project cost a quarter-of-amillion,” Darina says. “It’s not a meningitis project, it’s a heart project. I realised there was equipment lacking in other areas — it’s all about saving children’s lives. Our next project is an oncology project.”
Darina also has a very busy time chaperoning Zena, who is a singer/ songwriter, and who travels a lot to perform.
Fortunately, she has her lovely home to recharge her batteries.
Darina and Declan bought it off plans when they married, and over the years, they’ve done a lot, including breaking down some walls, changing the floors and adding a sunroom.
There are lots of quirky touches, including buddhas, interesting mirrors and
trompe l’oeil items, including the door and the mirrored windows in the back wall of the garden.
Darina also has some lovely paintings painted by the celebrated Dutch artist
Jean Nies, who kindly donated two massive paintings to the Baby Max Wings of Love charity. “One went for ¤15,000; one for ¤17,000. People really admired them.”
People can’t help but admire Darina.