This primary school story needs to have a proper happy ending
I thought the idea of a graduation ceremony was a bit silly. But then the evening came, writes Emily Hourican
MAYBE we could do something in the car park? Even just all be there at the same time and clap them…? That’s what the parents in my middle child’s class are contemplating as a replacement for the sixth class graduation ceremony this year.
When my eldest moved from primary to secondary school five years ago, I remember being slightly irritated with all the graduation prep. The year book, the songs learned for the ceremony, the effort put into organising the event. I thought it was a bit silly; a bit American. “It’s not like they’re off to walk through the desert,” I thought. “They’re just changing school.”
Then the evening came, and I was moved to tears by how lovely it was. By the care that went in to making sure every child started the next phase of their life feeling buoyed up by the neat closing of the first.
There were stories of their notable moments through the years, photos from the significant happenings — the communion, school trips, anniversary masses — their contributions to the school were recognised.
Each child was given a certificate, and a few words highlighting their particular strengths. It was a beautifully choreographed rite of passage.
In contrast, the middle boy’s primary education ended abruptly on March
13, in a flurry of “don’t forget your books because we’ll be setting you work to do at home…”
The thing is, the winding down of primary school throughout the latter half of sixth class isn’t just a series of random fun events — these are deliberately staged opportunities to move young people forward in their lives. There is increased autonomy, responsibility, new ways of engaging with the world. All of which matter: statistics on mental health show that there is a jump in most negative behaviours, including low self-esteem and anxiety, that starts in first year. There needs to be positive groundwork laid.
As Dr Malie Coyne, clinical psychologist and NUIG lecturer, says: “Rites of passage are hugely important in everyone’s life, and your sixth class child has been waiting for this transition. It is so tough to begin a new chapter when you’ve been deprived of the opportunity to close one.”
My middle child, a boy, claims to be ‘fine’ with the lack of ceremony (my friends who have daughters at this stage of their lives say their girls are openly devastated), but I am not remotely pretending to be fine. I’m upset for him (and that’s leaving aside my academic fears…). He was having a brilliant sixth class experience, with a wonderful teacher, and was visibly benefiting from all the off-book activities. I know that in comparison with the Leaving Cert, even Junior Cert, difficulties, this is a small matter. But it’s not nothing.
And I know there is talk right now of a brief return in September, to mark the transition somehow, but there is no point pretending that something hasn’t been lost.
So, how might we help them?
“Rather than guess what your child might be feeling,” says Dr Coyne, “give them the space to open up to you. Although you will feel a strong urge to make it better for them, listen to their disappointment and kindly reflect it back to them. Once your child feels heard and understood, they will be in a better position to move on. Ask them what might make it a bit easier for them, or think up ways to make their missed occasions really meaningful.”
(Have a look at www. childrensbooksireland.ie, where author Sarah Webb has compiled a series of video messages, including from Eoin Colfer, Derek Landy and Marita ConlonMcKenna, specifically for sixth class kids).
“Your child will get through this and enjoy life again in secondary school; what will help most is your understanding and solidarity as they navigate this difficult time.”
‘Once your child feels heard, they will be able to move on’