I am afraid my son will be led astray on summer trip

QMy son who is 16 is active in the GAA, athletics and cycling. He is a good student and well motivated in all aspects of his life. He has lots of friends — both male and female.

He and a number of his male friends are planning to do an activities trip in Ireland for two weeks, now the Covid-19 restrictions are lifting.

Some of his friends are gay and they are going on the trip. They will be camping. I feel a bit uneasy about this, knowing what can happen when teenage males are together.

What would you advise?

AYour son sounds very sporty and active, so no doubt he takes good care of his body in order to keep fit. And cycling for two weeks is going to add to his fitness. This coupled with his age probably means that you are not too worried about him drinking, unless some of the other guys are over 18 and they could buy the alcohol. However, it would be illegal for them to buy it for him.

Reading between the lines it seems to me that you are concerned because two of the guys on the proposed trip are gay, and you fear that your son will somehow be influenced by them and he will return from the trip a changed person.

I don’t know whether you are male or female, it doesn’t really matter, but if you are afraid of the gay guys’ influence then I wonder what your own view is on homosexuality. Because your views will certainly have been absorbed by your son both in relation to his friends and also his own sexuality.

Most guys are pretty sure about their sexuality by the time they are 16 and your son is probably already aware of his. An Irish Times/Ipsos MRBI Family Values poll in 2015 said that 4pc of Irish people described themselves as gay, lesbian or bisexual.

Many parents fear for their children if they are part of any minority group, and this may be the case with you. But you have to bear in mind that the heterosexuals in the group will not be trying to persuade the two gays to change, and neither will the gay guys try to force their way of life on their friends. They are simply all friends going on a trip and no doubt they are all looking forward to it immensely. You ask what I would advise.

This may be the first time that your son will be away from you for an extended period of time, so I would suggest that you sit down with him — even if he doesn’t want to hear, because at 16 he probably thinks he knows it all — and talk about the forthcoming trip.

Firstly acknowledge that he must be very excited about it, and assure him that you are too and want nothing but good experiences for him.

Remind him of the advisability of wearing sunscreen and in these Covid-19 times, discuss how he has to be super vigilant with regard to hand hygiene and hygiene in general. This can lead on to talking about drinking and its effects.

For instance, one of the widely acknowledged effects of alcohol is the lessening of inhibitions which can lead people to being sexual when they aren’t even in a relationship. Mention unwanted pregnancies and the possibility of catching a sexually transmitted disease if the proper precautions haven’t been taken.

He is actually under the age of consent for full sex, so you could fleetingly mention that.

By then he will probably be squirming with embarrassment, although if you have already had various chats with him regarding all this, and I sincerely hope that you have, it will be much easier.

There is a very good website run by the HSE, www. B4uDecide.ie, and I suggest you ask him to have a look at it. Things like peer pressure and having sex too early are among the topics covered.

It is very difficult to let any child go out into the big bad world, and with the ever-present threat of Covid19, it is even more so. But trust is an important thing to have and if you have built a good relationship with your son over the years, then you will have to trust him.

Explain that you will worry while he is away, and suggest that he text you on agreed days so that you can be assured that all is well.

Emphasise that he can contact you at any time of the day or night and then, when it is time for him to go, wave him off with a smile.