Don’t end it all — seek out help

Sir — I have worked since I was 14 years old to help put food on the table and have continued to work hard into my married life. I’m involved in the fitness and wellness industry.

On March 12 last year I had to close my studio doors and hoped to God I would receive the Pandemic Unemployment Payment, which, thankfully, I did.

I know the theory and strategies of adopting a positive attitude and a healthy lifestyle — but, like most people, I started to struggle over the last few months. A glass or two of wine at night turned into a bottle with the ability to function the next day but, as the months were passing, the demons started in my head. Have I lost my business completely? Will my clients come back? Where am I going from here? There are also other family worries. You get the picture.

I know that there are others living in serious situations and don’t feel safe in their homes and I know I am lucky to have support at home — but in the last few weeks I could not see any positivity. Normally I would work things through but I let everything get to me. You would never think it if you met me.

On February 14, having had dinner with my family, a violent argument ensued, which I instigated — and I made the decision I had had enough and would end it all. In my head I thought my family would be better off without me. I took a lot of pills and my last words to myself were “So this is it. This is how it ends”, and laid back and waited to let them kick in.

Thankfully, my daughter had the insightfulness to check on me. Her gut told her something was wrong and an ambulance was called. Next day I found myself in a hospital bed. Having heard of the trauma I have put my family through that night I have promised them I will give up drinking, and I will never put them through anything like that ever again. Drink made me decide in a moment of recklessness to end it all.

I do not know what the future holds — none of us does — but I will get there and, yes, there are other underlying issues I have to work through.

If you are in the frame of mind I was in the other night, please talk to someone. People do care.

I’m not religious but I thank God my daughter had the intuition to check on me or I would not be here today.

Name and address with Editor

If you have been affected by this letter and would like to talk to someone, the Samaritans are available night and day, seven days a week at (Freephone) 116 123