Them’s a different breed in Norn Iron and they spake quare too

Say what you like about us Nordies, we have a way with words that John B Keane would be jealous of. You can say what you like about us: and that usually includes racist generalisations such as having a penchant for violence, being short-tempered, being miserable with money, being amazingly cynical, being argumentative and never answering a question with ‘I don’t know’ - we do have a way with the English language that is unique.

And while it may not have the lyrical flourishes of Keane’s Kerry or the amusing additions of Ross O’Carroll Kelly’s Dublin, the Northern accent has bent and shaped the English language into a style all of its own.

And that style is celebrated in a new book by the late Irish News journalist, Owen Kelly, who is fondly remembered by this humble scribe as the man who used to make me laugh every Saturday. The Irish News is a religion in the Ma and Da’s house. The Da gets the Belfast publication every morning, six days a week. A lot of the time, especially 25 years ago, its news pages were full of punishment beatings and the peace process, and it was rarely was the source of any laughs.

But the stand-out column every week was from Owen Kelly who took it upon himself to reveal to the readership the idiosyncrasies of the language they spoke and heard all around them every day. The Da would read the column first, only to regale us childer afterwards with his new-found knowledge, chuckling away to himself at Kelly’s ability not only to hear the words and phrases but to write them in a highly amusing way.

The best phrases from the column are now in a book called ‘Essential Norn Irish - Yer Man’s A to Z Guide to Everyday Banter’ published recently by O’Brien Press. It arrived on my desk last week and there are plenty of funny phrases to tickle those with even a passing knowledge of Nordies. With Belfast man Gerry Adams now a TD in Louth, it could be classed as a must-read guide in Louth.

‘Bait’ is one of my favourites: ‘as in: ‘ My Ma wudda bait me round the kitchen’, meaning ‘My mother would have administered corporal punishment had I done that’. Beg is another: ‘as in ‘ Thee quid for a wee beg of spuds?’, meaning ‘I consider three pounds for a small sack of potatoes to be exorbitant’.

Mr Adams is, of course, a member of Doyle Ern ‘ the legislative assembly of the Arrish Republic’. Words also have double meanings such as ‘far’, defined by Kelly as ‘male parent, or ancient device producing heat and a means of cooking; a far alarm is designed to alert people to the dangers of far’.

One I use pretty much every day, especially when the Bossman asks if I’m busy, is ‘ kilt’. It means bait down, or very tired from over-exertion and the book also suggests: ‘Ye’ll be kilt if yer mor or far ketches ye at that’, meaning ‘Dire retribution will follow if your mother or father should spot you doing that’.

And, at the end of a long day, there is nothing like a ‘Norwegian’. That, of course, is ‘I will have another small gin’, though Kelly warns: ‘ The actual drink may be a large one, of course, as in Norn Iron speak ‘wee is used very casually’.

There are references in the book to the posher parts of Norn Iron, as not everyone speaks like they live ‘off the Falls’. ‘Scythe’ is ‘ the point of the compass’, Kelly says, ‘opposite to North’, with the classic phrase being ‘Scythe Dine’, referring to the southern part of County Down. These ones, the majority of whom come from south Belfast and North Down, also use the term creche to describe the ‘sound of breaking glaws (glass) or a collision between two or more vehicles’.

Kelly, who passed away in 2008, made me laugh 25 years ago. This little book opens his wonderful writing to a new generation. Get it. I’m just sane, like, you have no raisin not to.